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Studies suggest that children spend more time watching TV than they did in the past and spend less on doing active or creative things. Why do you think it is the case? What measures and methods can be used to tackle with it? v.2

Studies suggest that children spend more time watching TV than they did in the past and spend less on doing active or creative things. Why do you think it is the case? What measures and methods can be used to tackle with it? v. 2
Children spend most of their time in their regular academic activities and with the remaining time they like to spend in front of the screen, which is forcing physical activities to be rare. The causes of this factor can be resolved by minor changes in everyone's life, which are going to be elaborated in further description. Nowadays, urban cities are growing with horse speed, which makes cities more populated. This is the main factor, which makes cities running out of open grounds and gathering spaces, which forced children to think of not to go to play outside. To resolve this, planners should be forced to build more gardens and children's play areas while building residencies or reconstructing and enhancing the cities. As well as parents should spare out some time for children and drive them to spaces where they can play. However, the school also plays a crucial part in this. Teachers should arrange daily activities, which includes physical activity and creative subjects. On the other hand, children are too busy to create something during the day, which makes them mentally tired. After this busy schedule, they do not want to make their body to be tired too, which makes children entertain themselves by watching TV. I believe schools and coaching are most responsible for this. As the solution rather than put so much burden on students, teachers should find another way of teaching. As well as they can short down the syllabus of the semester. At the same time, in this global tech world TV programmes have been more entertaining and knowledgeful, which makes parents let children watch such programmes. To sum up, for reducing watching TV, teachers and parents should contribute their selves in such activities. Parents should set vivid limits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in their regular academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and with the remaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they like to spend in front of the screen, which is forcing physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to be rare. The causes of this factor can
be resolved
by minor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in everyone's life, which are going to
be elaborated
in
further
description.

Nowadays, urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are growing with horse speed, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
more populated. This is the main factor, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
running out of open grounds and gathering spaces, which forced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of not to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
outside. To resolve this, planners should
be forced
to build more gardens and children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
areas while building residencies or reconstructing and enhancing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
As well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should spare out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and drive them to spaces where they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
.
However
, the school
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
a crucial part in this. Teachers should arrange daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, which includes physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
and creative subjects.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are too busy to create something during the day, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them mentally tired. After this busy schedule, they do not want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their body to
be tired
too, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
entertain themselves by watching TV. I believe schools and coaching are most responsible for this. As the solution
rather
than put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much burden on students, teachers should find another way of teaching.
As well
as they can short down the syllabus of the semester. At the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, in this global tech world TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
have been more entertaining and
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledgeful
, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
such
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
.

To sum up, for reducing watching TV, teachers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should contribute their selves in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should set vivid limits.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Studies suggest that children spend more time watching TV than they did in the past and spend less on doing active or creative things. Why do you think it is the case? What measures and methods can be used to tackle with it? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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