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Some countries have an ever-increasing proportion of the population who are aged 15 or younger. What do you think are the current and future effects of this trend for those countries? v.2

Some countries have an ever-increasing proportion of the population who are aged 15 or younger. What do you think are the current and future effects of this trend for those countries? v. 2
The right proportion of the population of all age groups is an important aspect of the social, economical and overall growth of a country. However, in many countries, the number of the younger population who are less than 15 years old has increased significantly and to a certain extent, this has a detrimental effect on the society, workforce and the country. This essay delves into the current and future effects of this trend in countries where younger generation predominates the bigger portion of their population. With regards to the current effect, an increasing competition in schools is obvious. Since younger generations are mostly school goers, parents would have to suffer to get their children admitted in a good school due to excessive competition. Many poor parents would be forced to send their children to work and earn and this will increase the child labour in many developing and underdeveloped countries. Finally, the disproportion of population age distribution in such countries will lead them to the scarcity of skilled labours and other professionals. Finally, since those children are not earning members, that would negatively affect the overall economy of the country. Increasing younger population, though are mainly thought to bring negative effects to the society and country, are not always a burden. They can support their community, become better members of the society through positive competition and can contribute to the family by sharing the workload. Considering the future effects of this trend, I believe that it would mostly depend on the economic factors and job facilities of a country. If the country has a great economic stability and can create plenty of job opportunities in the future, the under-aged population now would become the de facto to the economy in the future and that would enable the country to develop rapidly. The country will have a huge number of workers and professionals in the future and they would be able to increase the GDP of such a country. On the contrary, if the country fails to ensure jobs and business opportunity when those children will become adults, the outcome would be catastrophic. The unemployment and crime rate would surely increase and that would negatively affect the society. To conclude, although a right proportion of population age distribution is necessary, this is not the case in many countries. Based on a countries economic condition, education, training, and job facilities, the increasing younger generation can be a great asset or burden.
The right proportion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of all age groups is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of the social, economical and
overall
growth of a
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country
.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, the number of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
who are less than 15 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
has increased
significantly
and to a certain extent, this has a detrimental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on the society, workforce and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. This essay delves into the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
and
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future
effects of this trend in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generation predominates the bigger portion of their population.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
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effect
, an increasing competition in schools is obvious. Since
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younger
generations are
mostly
school goers, parents would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their
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children
admitted in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
school due to excessive competition.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
poor parents would
be forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to work and earn and this will increase the child
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developing and underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Finally
, the disproportion of
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population
age distribution in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will lead them to the scarcity of skilled
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
and other professionals.
Finally
, since those
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children
are not earning members, that would
negatively
affect the
overall
economy of the
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country
. Increasing
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younger
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population
, though are
mainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects to the society and
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country
, are not always a burden. They can support their community, become better members of the society through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
competition and can contribute to the family by sharing the workload.

Considering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
effects of this trend, I believe that it would
mostly
depend on the economic factors and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
facilities of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has a great economic stability and can create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, the under-aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
would become the de facto to the economy in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
and that would enable the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to develop
rapidly
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will have a huge number of workers and professionals in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
future and
they would be able to increase the GDP of such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
On the contrary
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
fails to ensure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and business opportunity when those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will become adults, the outcome would be catastrophic. The unemployment and crime rate would
surely
increase and that would
negatively
affect the society.

To conclude
, although a right proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
age distribution is necessary, this is not the case in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Based on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
economic condition, education, training, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
facilities, the increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generation can be a great asset or burden.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some countries have an ever-increasing proportion of the population who are aged 15 or younger. What do you think are the current and future effects of this trend for those countries? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
409 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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