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Men and women are different in term of their characteristics and abilities. For this reason, some jobs are better done by men and others by women. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Men and women are different in term of their characteristics and abilities. For this reason, some jobs are better done by men and others by women. v. 2
People have different views about each gender' s capability in fulfilling various jobs base on their personal characters. While a group of individuals argue that men are more successful in a specific group of jobs than women, I believe that both sexes can be efficient as same as each other. There are various reasons why I would argue that men and women are the same in accomplishing their jobs. Firstly, motivation and interest are the most fundamental factors in achieving success. In order to prove my claim, I can refer to an article having been published in Times magazine, indicates that 90% of individuals who feel fulfilled professionally at jobs gain more success in their work environment and grouped as more innovative fellows. Secondly, each person can be qualified just by training and practicing a skill in a short period of time. Finally, talent plays an important role in people' s achievements in some specific jobs such as musicians, sport athletes, artists and etc. On the other hand, some other factors such as physical strength and the outstanding maternal role in the family should not be neglected. It is true that men are more suitable for toilsome tasks such as mining, army, fire fighting and the like because of their physical strength. Furthermore, mothers have an important role in families and they can build children' s personality, confidence and autonomy by spending reasonable amount of time at home. A recent research in Michigan University reveals that children who have mothers that spend more time with families could be more successful in their educational career. In conclusion, although personality traits and capabilities can influence people' s success in their career, some other elements such as conscientious, perseverance and motivation are the most important factors in job satisfaction and outcome.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about each
Possible spelling mistake found.
gender&
#039; s capability in fulfilling various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
base on their personal characters. While a group of individuals
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "argues"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'argue' is not always incorrect.)
argue
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are more successful in a specific group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
than women, I believe that both sexes can be efficient as same as each other.

There are various reasons why I would argue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women are the same in accomplishing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Firstly
, motivation and interest are the most fundamental factors in achieving success. In order to prove my claim, I can refer to an article having
been published
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
magazine, indicates that 90% of individuals who feel fulfilled
professionally
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
gain more success in their work environment and grouped as more innovative fellows.
Secondly
, each person can
be qualified
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by training and practicing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
in a short period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Finally
, talent plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s achievements in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
such as musicians, sport athletes, artists
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other factors such as physical strength and the outstanding maternal role in the family should not
be neglected
. It is true that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are more suitable for toilsome tasks such as mining, army, fire fighting and the like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their physical strength.
Furthermore
, mothers have an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
families and
they can build
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s personality, confidence and autonomy by spending reasonable amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home. A recent research in Michigan University reveals that children who have mothers that spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with families could be more successful in their educational career.

In conclusion
, although personality traits and capabilities can influence
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s success in their career,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other elements such as conscientious, perseverance and motivation are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction and outcome.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Men and women are different in term of their characteristics and abilities. For this reason, some jobs are better done by men and others by women. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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