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Since money for postgraduate research is limited, some people think financialsupport from the government should be only provided for scientific researchrather than for less useful subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.2

Since money for postgraduate research is limited, some people think financialsupport from the government should be only provided for scientific researchrather than for less useful subjects. v. 2
With the limited financial aids, some people argued that governments should subside more practical subjects about postgraduate learning. While there are several positive effects provided by supporting scientific research, I believe that continue explore in some other aspect like art and music are necessary as well. It is easy to understand the directly profit made by supporting scientific research. On the individual level, it can be argued that directions like computer science, mechanical engineering and other practical scientific researches can provide a higher salaries, career progression, job opportunities, and therefore lead a better life for who take them. On the society level, more financial assistant put in scientific realm just means more original inventions, which can bring higher efficiency to the industrial production and act as a positive feedback system. In this case, the development of the nation will be accelerated and standing on the world level more confidently. It is also noticeable that some fields except from scientific field are crucial too. For example, when we human being meet the basic survival needs like foods and garments, people will pursue a superior needs like ‘self-actual’ or ‘beauty’ instead according to the Maslow’s hierarchy theory. Pursuing in music and art realms are more likely to chase more superior target as human natural. Also, it is possible for job employers to value some skills like imagination above practical or technical skills. If this were the case, perhaps we need to invest more in the non-scientific domain. In conclusion, although it seems sensible for governments give more financial focus on scientific researches, I personally believe that other fields like art or music should be equally treated.
With the limited financial aids,
some
people
argued that
governments
should subside more practical subjects about postgraduate learning. While there are several
positive
effects provided by supporting
scientific
research
, I believe that
continue explore
in
some
other aspect like art and music are necessary
as well
.

It is easy to understand the
directly
profit made by supporting
scientific
research
. On the individual level, it can
be argued
that directions like computer science, mechanical engineering and other practical
scientific
researches
can provide a higher salaries, career progression, job opportunities, and
therefore
lead a better life for who take them. On the society level, more financial assistant put in
scientific
realm
just
means more original inventions, which can bring higher efficiency to the industrial production and act as a
positive
feedback system.
In this case
, the development of the nation will
be accelerated
and standing on the world level more
confidently
.

It is
also
noticeable that
some
fields except from
scientific
field are crucial too.
For example
, when
we human
being
meet
the basic survival needs like foods and garments,
people
will pursue a superior needs like ‘self-actual’ or ‘beauty’
instead
according to the Maslow’s hierarchy theory. Pursuing in music and art realms are more likely to chase more superior target as human natural.
Also
, it is possible for job employers to value
some
skills
like imagination above practical or technical
skills
. If this were the case, perhaps we need to invest more in the non-scientific domain.

In conclusion
, although it seems sensible for
governments
give more financial focus on
scientific
researches
, I
personally
believe that other fields like art or music should be
equally
treated.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Since money for postgraduate research is limited, some people think financialsupport from the government should be only provided for scientific researchrather than for less useful subjects. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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