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Today, more and more tourists re visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctica. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places. v.1

Today, more and more tourists re visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctica. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places. v. 1
In recent times, places with extreme conditions are gaining popularity as people tend to travel there often. While exploring these places broadens travellers horizon and helps them meet new people, there are also some drawbacks to be taken into consideration. On the one hand, travelling one of the ways of gaining new experience. When people visit places with adverse conditions, their horizons are broadens. By that, they become more knowledgeable about the places as they now have first hand experience. For example, by paying a visit to the Sahara desert, the traveller knows more about the place. With this, he is able to share his newly acquired knowledge with others when he gets back home. Furthermore, tourists have the privilege of meeting new people from all over the world when they visit these places. In other words, they have the opportunity of exchanging ideas and contacts which, consequently, builds bonds between people and strengthens ties amongst nations. On the other hand, despite the beneficial reasons mentioned above, there are however a few downsides to going to areas with unfriendly conditions. Firstly, it exposes individuals to the risk of falls. For instance, people who go to the Antarctica are in awe of the mountains and love to explore the options of climbing. This could result in falling down and sustaining injuries of various degrees. Secondly, people get missing in these areas where the conditions are not favorable. This is because it could take a while to really know one's way around. Consequently, they could lose track of their way while site seeing. In conclusion, although there are plus points to tourists visiting places with difficult conditions, they are also at risk of falling and getting missing.
In recent times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
with extreme conditions are gaining popularity as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to travel there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
. While exploring these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
broadens
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
horizon and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks to
be taken
into consideration.

On the one hand, travelling one of the ways of gaining new experience. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
with adverse conditions, their horizons are broadens. By that, they become more knowledgeable about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have
'first hand' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "first-hand".
first hand
experience.
For example
, by paying a visit to the Sahara desert, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
traveller
knows more about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
. With this, he is able to share his
newly
acquired knowledge with others when he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
back home.
Furthermore
, tourists have the privilege of meeting new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all over the world when they visit these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
In other words
, they have the opportunity of exchanging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and contacts which,
consequently
, builds bonds between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and strengthens ties amongst nations.

On the other hand
, despite the beneficial reasons mentioned above, there are
however
a few downsides to going to areas with
unfriendly
conditions.
Firstly
, it exposes individuals to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of falls.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who go to the Antarctica are in awe of the mountains and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to explore the options of climbing. This could result in falling down and sustaining injuries of various degrees.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
missing in these areas where the conditions are not favorable. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it could take a while to
really
know one's way around.
Consequently
, they could lose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
of their way while site seeing.

In conclusion
, although there are plus points to tourists visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
with difficult conditions, they are
also
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of falling and getting missing.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Today, more and more tourists re visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctica. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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