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Some people feel that students perform better in school when they are rewarded, while some others feel that they perform better when they are punished. ] Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people feel that students perform better in school when they are rewarded, while some others feel that they perform better when they are punished. ] v. 2
Students have always been under tremendous pressure to perform well in studies. From time immemorial, parents and teachers have tried many methods of improving their pupils’ results, by punishing them or rewarding them. In my opinion, while punishing children might appear to be an obvious choice, rewarding children is a far more effective process. The use of punishment might motivate children to perform well scholastically. This is because some methods of punishment, such as corporal punishment, cause pain and fear, and some others, such as scolding or shouting at children, cause children to feel ashamed and embarrassed. As a result, in order to avoid being punished repeatedly, children could be likely to work harder at school and do their assigned work diligently. Eventually, this attentiveness and studiousness, which came forth as a result of the use of punishment, might cause them to do well in examinations and tests. Thus, punishing children may improve their academic performance. However, rewarding children is far more effective and can lead to sustained improvement at school. Most importantly, recognising children’s academic achievements by awarding them medals, certificates and trophies, makes them feel confident and proud of themselves, which keeps them motivated to perform well consistently. In addition, material rewards, such as toys, pocket money or a vacation, make them feel happy and content, which will inspire them to work harder so that they can receive more gifts in the future. Moreover, verbal appreciation makes children feel valued and appreciated, because of which they will study seriously and do well in school. Hence, rewards are a good way to motivate children to perform well academically. In conclusion, it is evident that while punishment may at times seem to improve academic performance, rewarding children is more effectual especially in the long term. If we truly wish for children to perform well scholastically, we should reward them frequently.
Students have always been under tremendous pressure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
in studies. From time immemorial, parents and teachers have tried
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
methods of improving their pupils’ results, by punishing them or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rewarding
them. In my opinion, while punishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might appear to be an obvious choice,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rewarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is a far more effective process.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
might motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
scholastically
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
methods of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
, such as corporal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
, cause pain and fear, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others, such as scolding or shouting at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
ashamed and embarrassed.
As a result
, in order to avoid
being punished
repeatedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could be likely to work harder at school and do their assigned work
diligently
.
Eventually
, this attentiveness and studiousness, which came forth
as a result
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
, might cause them to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
in examinations and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
.
Thus
, punishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their academic performance.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rewarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is far more effective and can lead to sustained improvement at school. Most
importantly
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognising' is British English.
recognising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
academic achievements by awarding them medals, certificates and trophies,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
confident and proud of themselves, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
them motivated to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
consistently
.
In addition
, material rewards, such as toys, pocket money or a vacation,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
happy and content, which will inspire them to work harder
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can receive more gifts in the future.
Moreover
, verbal appreciation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
valued and appreciated,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which they will study
seriously
and do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
in school.
Hence
, rewards are a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
academically
.

In conclusion
, it is evident that while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
may at times seem to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
academic performance,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rewarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is more effectual
especially
in the long term. If we
truly
wish for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
scholastically
, we should reward them
frequently
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people feel that students perform better in school when they are rewarded, while some others feel that they perform better when they are punished. ] v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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