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Students leave high school without learning the way how to manage their money. What are the reasons and solutions of this issue? v.4

Students leave high school without learning the way how to manage their money. What are the reasons and solutions of this issue? v. 4
Many young people do not have a basic understanding of financial management when they leave school. This lack of knowledge is primarily due to the upbringing and limited education at school. One main reason is that the young people are dependent on their parents and they get everything for free until secondary education. Parents always want their children to be happy and successful and in order to achieve that they hide the financial pressure and provide them with sufficient money. The second reason is the curriculum at school. Subjects such as mathematics, science or languages included in the syllabus do not teach real life skills. Consequently, high school students are accustomed to answering theoretical questions, but find it strange to have to balance their incomes and expenses. As a result, both parents and teachers fail to prepare their children for the real world. This is indeed a cause for concern, but fortunately, there are some solutions. Parents should consider giving children a certain amount of money every month and insist that it should last them a whole month, which will encourage the child to monitor their spending habits. As the child grows, they should teach them how household expenses are managed and also involve them in decision making or they can give the child the responsibility of running the household for a day or two. Secondly, the school authorities ought to include the subject on life management skills in the final year of the curriculum. This will help a student to learn how their finances need to be budgeted and managed. In conclusion, it is crucial for young people to learn financial management skills apart from the regular course and both parents and teachers play a vital role in achieving this by equipping them with the right knowledge.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have a basic understanding of financial management when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. This lack of knowledge is
primarily
due to the upbringing and limited education at school.

One main reason is that the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are dependent on their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
parents and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
everything for free until secondary education.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
always want their children to be happy and successful and in order to achieve that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
the financial pressure and provide them with sufficient money. The second reason is the curriculum at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Subjects such as mathematics, science or languages included in the syllabus do not teach real life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Consequently
, high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
students
are accustomed
to answering theoretical questions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
find it strange to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
balance their incomes and expenses.
As a result
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers fail to prepare their children for the real world.

This is
indeed
a cause for concern,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
fortunately
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should consider giving children a certain amount of money every month and insist that it should last them a whole month, which will encourage the child to monitor their spending habits. As the child grows, they should teach them how household expenses
are managed
and
also
involve them in
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
or they can give the child the responsibility of running the household for a day or two.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
authorities ought to include the subject on life management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in the final year of the curriculum. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a student to learn how their finances need to
be budgeted
and managed.

In conclusion
, it is crucial for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to learn financial management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
apart from the regular course and both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers play a vital role in achieving this by equipping them with the right knowledge.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Students leave high school without learning the way how to manage their money. What are the reasons and solutions of this issue? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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