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Some people think that natural talent is important to successful in sports. Other thinks hard work and practice are more important. Discuss both view and give your opinion v.1

Some people think that natural talent is important to successful in sports. Other thinks hard work and practice are more important. 1
Sports are not only good for building health for some, it can become as a career to the top. Certain groups of people believe that skill is gifted to win a match in athletics, while others don't. In my opinion, I am supporting consistent long hour of training and the right technique will bring you success regardless of how tall you can be. It is true that some sports need natural capacity. Natural tall physical body has better advantage than others. A tall person will start to discover his power when they start to play basketball. For example, those tall players consistently won most of the games at school, which at last joined the NBA. In addition, some kids are good at swimming without instructors. This is very puzzling to certain groups of people skill are gifted. Despite natural born physical body will bring advantages to athletics, there are some sports that need much effort and long hours of practice. Badminton, for instance, it might bring hurdle for you to move from one point to another point without much effort. Lee Chong Wei, a Malaysian born badminton professional, which has won numerous world champion. He is not gifted, but he has certainly used these weaknesses to practice everyday and long hours which a layman like me will give up easily. In addition to that, he failed several times, but he didn't give up. He takes this opportunities each time to improve his technique. If you have the right techniques and attitudes, you will success in the game too. To conclude, It is very common to decree a person's achievement based on their physical appearance, but it also depends on how many efforts you have put in. We are starting to see some of the NBA players are ASEAN, which always labelled as short. But I could imagine if they had the same opportunities, others would one day succeed in sport.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for building health for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, it can become as a career to the top. Certain groups of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
is gifted
to win a match in athletics, while others don't. In my opinion, I am supporting consistent long hour of training and the right technique will bring you success regardless of how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tall
you can be.

It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
need natural capacity. Natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tall
physical body has better advantage than others. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tall
person will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to discover his power when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to play basketball.
For example
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tall
players
consistently
won most of the games at school, which at last
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
the NBA.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kids are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at swimming without instructors. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
puzzling to certain groups of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
are gifted
.

Despite
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
natural born
physical body will bring advantages to athletics, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
that need much effort and long hours of practice. Badminton,
for instance
, it might bring hurdle for you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from one point to another point without much effort. Lee
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chong
Wei, a Malaysian born badminton professional, which has won numerous world champion. He is not gifted,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he has
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
these weaknesses to practice
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
and long hours which a layman like me will give up
easily
.
In addition
to that, he failed several times,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he didn't give up. He takes
Did you mean "these"?
this
opportunities each time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his technique. If you have the right techniques and attitudes, you
The word 'success' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
will success
in the game too.

To conclude
, It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common to decree a person's achievement based on their physical appearance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
depends on how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
efforts you have put in. We are starting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
NBA players are ASEAN, which always labelled as short.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I could imagine if they had the same opportunities, others would one day succeed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that natural talent is important to successful in sports. Other thinks hard work and practice are more important. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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