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Some people think that only staff who worked in a company for a long time should be promoted to a higher position. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that only staff who worked in a company for a long time should be promoted to a higher position. v. 1
Whether seniority is the only criterion of promotion has always been a controversial issue. While the length of service should undoubtedly be considered, I believe there are still other factors, with performance being the most important. Companies will certainly benefit tremendously from promoting senior workers. Those people who have been serving for a number of years would gain a sense of loyalty if they got promoted. They will be able to adapt themselves better to the new positions, provide training for new employees and become valuable assets of the company. By contrast, if they were not promoted after years of service, they would probably resign and turn to competitor’s for higher salary and positions. In this case, the company would inevitably suffer from loss of client and business from the turnover. Nevertheless, I believe performance is just as important as the length of service when it comes to promotion eligibility. Candidates with high performance level often own extensive relevant experience and technical skills, which are fundamental to the survival and sustainability of a company in the long run. Accordingly, offering those candidates with higher positions will inarguably benefit the company in terms of boosting the overall employee morale—motivating those junior and new employees to achieve higher performance in their current positions. For example, in the highly competitive computer engineering industry, a performance-driven promotion rewards and elevates those lower-ranking employees who are capable of delivering extraordinary innovations. In conclusion, the length of service should not be the only criterion when a company is implementing a promotion. It would be wise if performance were also taken into account.
“Whether” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whether
seniority is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
criterion of promotion has always been a controversial issue. While the length of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
should
undoubtedly
be considered
, I believe there are
still
other factors, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
being the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
will
certainly
benefit
tremendously
from promoting senior workers. Those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have been serving for a number of years would gain a sense of loyalty if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
promoted. They will be able to adapt themselves better to the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
, provide training for new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and become valuable assets of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. By contrast, if they were not promoted after years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
, they would
probably
resign and turn to competitor’s for higher salary and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
.
In this case
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
would
inevitably
suffer from loss of client and business from the turnover.

Nevertheless
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as the length of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to promotion eligibility. Candidates with high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
level
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
extensive relevant experience and technical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which are fundamental to the survival and sustainability of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
in the long run.
Accordingly
, offering those candidates with higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
will
inarguably
benefit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
in terms of boosting the
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
morale—motivating those junior and new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to achieve higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
.
For example
, in the
highly
competitive computer engineering industry, a performance-driven promotion rewards and elevates those lower-ranking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who are capable of delivering extraordinary innovations.

In conclusion
, the length of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
should not be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
criterion when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is implementing a promotion. It would be wise if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
were
also
taken into account.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that only staff who worked in a company for a long time should be promoted to a higher position. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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