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Students in many countries are encouraged to travel or work for a year before starting their university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to work or travel after finishing high school and starting education in a university. v.2

Students in many countries are encouraged to travel or work for a year before starting their university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to work or travel after finishing high school and starting education in a university. v. 2
In today's modern world, many students are planning to further their studies immediately after they finish school. However, there are a handful of people who assert that young teenagers should be given a chance to travel or work for at least one year before they really attend a university. Thus, it is important for us to establish both the positive and negative impacts on young people who plan to go on a trip or start to work before starting their tertiary education. Undoubtedly, there are numerous benefits if young people were to work or to travel around the world after they finish school. To begin, working or travelling helps the students to gain precious life experiences which are not available on textbooks. To illustrate, when young adults come out to work before attending a university, they are actually being offered a valuable opportunity to get into contact with others. It is crucial for them to develop interpersonal skills which play an indispensable role in their studies and their prospective jobs. In addition, if they were planned to go on a trip worldwide, they would, unquestionably, learn about the cultures and traditions of the locals which may be slightly or totally different from theirs. It, indirectly, widen their horizons and may help them to reduce the experience of culture shock when they arrive in a new place in the near future. Nevertheless, a coin always has another side. If they decide to work or to travel for a year, they may graduate later than their peers. The statistic of recent research conducted in Columbia has shown that memorising and interpreting abilities of a student deteriorate as they grow older. In other words, it means that they are likely highly not to achieve their aspirations due to the continual weakening of the mental abilities of their brains. Besides, they may have forgotten about the foundation of certain subjects that they have learnt in secondary school. Again, it will probably lead the students who start their tertiary education late fail to gain success in their academic performances. In conclusion, although there are both benefits and damaging consequences if they travel abroad or work after they finish school, I believe every individual can still strive hard and achieve their set goals regardless of life experience and age. Our nation will continue to prosper and flourish in the decades to come if more educated and knowledgeable generations are being raised up.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are planning to
further
their studies immediately after they finish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
However
, there are a
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "handfuls", "handsful"?
handful
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who assert that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for at least one year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
really
attend a university.
Thus
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for us to establish both the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who plan to go on a trip or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting their tertiary education.

Undoubtedly
, there are numerous benefits if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
around the world after they finish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, working or travelling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to gain precious life experiences which are not available on textbooks. To illustrate, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
attending a university, they are actually
being offered
a valuable opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into contact with others. It is crucial for them to develop interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which play an indispensable role in their studies and their prospective jobs.
In addition
, if they
were planned
to go on a trip worldwide, they would,
unquestionably
, learn about the cultures and traditions of the locals which may be
slightly
or
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from theirs. It,
indirectly
, widen their horizons and may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the experience of culture shock when they arrive in a new place in the near future.

Nevertheless
, a coin always has another side. If they decide to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
for a year, they may graduate later than their peers. The statistic of recent research conducted in Columbia has shown that
Possible spelling mistake. 'memorising' is British English.
memorising
and interpreting abilities of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
deteriorate as they grow older.
In other words
, it means that they are likely
highly
not to achieve their aspirations due to the continual weakening of the mental abilities of their brains.
Besides
, they may have forgotten about the foundation of certain subjects that they have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
in secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Again, it will
probably
lead the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their tertiary education late fail to gain success in their academic performances.

In conclusion
, although there are both benefits and damaging consequences if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
abroad or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after they finish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I believe every individual can
still
strive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and achieve their set goals regardless of life experience and age. Our nation will continue to prosper and flourish in the decades to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
if more educated and knowledgeable generations are
being raised
up.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Students in many countries are encouraged to travel or work for a year before starting their university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to work or travel after finishing high school and starting education in a university. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
406 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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