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Rich countries should allow jobs for skilled and knowledgeable employees who are from poor countries. v.8

Rich countries should allow jobs for skilled and knowledgeable employees who are from poor countries. v. 8
In today’s modern world, although there are a number of countries who have become rich and more affluent by following the development and advancement of technology, there are still some nations who have remained poor. Therefore, some people assert that rich countries have an obligation to offer jobs to talented and wise workers who come from the poor countries, which I strongly agree with. There are several reasons which influence my view. To begin with, the act of allowing jobs for skilled and knowledgeable employees from poor countries by rich nations is considered to be an effective way to help the poor countries and it will indirectly strengthen the relationship among nations. It is important to ensure there will not be an occurrence of war between the nations which may have negative effects on the people’s lives, for example, it may even cost many innocent lives. By maintaining the close relationship between the countries by offering jobs for the employees from poor countries, the citizens in both nations can live in peace and serenity. The following factor that supports the idea of offering jobs to employees from poor countries by rich nations is that it could prove useful in helping the poor countries, especially the third world countries to reduce the cases of poverty. By offering jobs to the citizens from poor nations, they are able to support their family financially when they get back to their home countries. As proverb said, kill two birds with one stone, this action is believed to be beneficial to both sides, not only it will help the poor countries to tackle poverty and starvation problems, but also will help the rich nations to continue to prosper and flourish in the decades to come. This is mainly due to the reason that the talented and intelligent employees from poor countries can contribute endlessly to the rich countries. In conclusion, I strongly agree with the idea that rich countries should allow jobs for the employees from poor nations who are talented and intelligent owing to numerous factors. I believe the poor nations will soon become richer as long as the rich countries are willing to lend them a helping hand.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modern world, although there are a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
and more affluent by following the development and advancement of technology, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have remained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assert that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have an obligation to offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to talented and wise workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, which I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with.

There are several reasons which influence my view. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the act of allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for skilled and knowledgeable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
is considered
to be an effective way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and it will
indirectly
strengthen the relationship among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to ensure there will not be an occurrence of war between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
which may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
for example
, it may even cost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
innocent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. By maintaining the close relationship between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, the citizens in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in peace and serenity.

The following factor that supports the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
is that it could prove useful in helping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
especially
the third world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the cases of poverty. By offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to the citizens from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, they are able to support their family
financially
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back to their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. As proverb said, kill two birds with one stone, this action
is believed
to be beneficial to both sides, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to tackle poverty and starvation problems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
to continue to prosper and flourish in the decades to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
. This is
mainly
due to the reason that the talented and intelligent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can contribute
endlessly
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
countries.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are talented
and intelligent owing to numerous factors. I believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
become richer
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
long as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are willing to lend them a helping hand.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
60Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Rich countries should allow jobs for skilled and knowledgeable employees who are from poor countries. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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