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Students in many countries are encouraged to travel or work for a year before starting their university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to work or travel after finishing high school and starting education in a university. v.1

Students in many countries are encouraged to travel or work for a year before starting their university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to work or travel after finishing high school and starting education in a university. v. 1
There is no doubt that some young students are encouraged to work or travel a year after finishing high school. Some people assume that such a step is so beneficial to students while others oppose such ideas. In my point of view, I think this idea has both advantages and disadvantages. An advantage of travelling or working just after high school and before attending university is the change to learning new things and gaining valuable work experience. When young people decide to work instead of getting straight to the university, they will get accustomed to the work environment and learn about several skills upon which they can build their future. In this way, it can be definitely assumed that they will be more than ready for any future work, be it a university study or any other job. For example, my brother preferred to work when he finished high school with the aim of learning new skills. Upon completion of high school, he easily found a suitable job and impressed the employers with his experience while also attending his university classes. On the other hand, travelling or working instead of focusing on the university education has some negative impacts. When young people prefer to travel just after completing their high school, they may encounter cultural shocks. For example, one of my relatives decided to travel in young age and due to his immaturity and lack of knowledge of the outside world, he was utterly shocked by the customs and the way of life there. He was unable to get familiar with that community and was completely disappointed since he was unable to stay there. Consequently, his decision was against him because he did not get any benefit from his travelling. In conclusion, no one can deny that travelling or working during high school has its positive and negative impacts. So, high school students are highly recommended to know their abilities and readiness before embarking on working or travelling in order not to be shocked or otherwise.
There is no doubt that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
students
are encouraged
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or travel a year after finishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assume that such a step is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
beneficial to students while others oppose such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. In my point of view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
has both advantages and disadvantages.

An advantage of
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travelling
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
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before
attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
to learning new things and gaining valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience. When
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young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
decide to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
instead
of getting straight to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
accustomed to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment and learn about several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
upon which they can build their future. In this way, it can be definitely assumed that they will be more than ready for any future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, be it a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
study or any other job.
For example
, my brother preferred to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
when he finished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
with the aim of learning new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Upon completion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, he
easily
found a suitable job and impressed the employers with his experience while
also
attending his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
classes.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
instead
of focusing on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to travel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
after completing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they may encounter cultural shocks.
For example
, one of my relatives decided to travel in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age and due to his immaturity and lack of knowledge of the outside world, he was
utterly
shocked by the customs and the way of life there. He was unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
familiar with that community and was completely disappointed since he was unable to stay there.
Consequently
, his decision was against him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any benefit from his travelling.

In conclusion
, no one can deny that
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travelling
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
students are
highly
The verb 'recommended' is used with the gerund form: "recommended knowing".
recommended to know
their abilities and readiness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
embarking on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
in order not to
be shocked
or
otherwise
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Students in many countries are encouraged to travel or work for a year before starting their university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to work or travel after finishing high school and starting education in a university. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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