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Poor people and those living in the rural area find it difficult to access university education. University education should be made easy for this group of people. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Poor people and those living in the rural area find it difficult to access university education. University education should be made easy for this group of people. v. 1
In many countries, there is inequality in the distribution of resources. As a result, students that are from less developed area are faced with an uphill task of gaining admission into universities. It is argued by some people that the university admission process for such people should be made easier. However, I disagree with this notion as such a measure will reduce standard of education and it is not sustainable. Firstly, when then entry requirements of courses in the tertiary institutions are lowered for the poor and geographical disadvantaged people, the standard of education in the colleges will fall. This is because less qualified students may be given courses they are not qualified for. For example, the north east part of Nigeria, is the poorest and most remote region, and the natives are often given incentives so as to study in the colleges. As a consequence, academic performance of students in this regional universities has been poor and many graduates from such institutions can not compete with their counterparts in other parts of Nigeria. This would have been avoided if this universities do not lower their admission criteria in favor of disadvantaged people. Secondly, Universities will not be sustainable if more advantages is given to people that are poor and from rural ares because colleges require huge fundings, which is mainly derive from tuitions. As a result, the fees from other students may have to be increased, and may still be insufficient to ensure plans such as procurement of state-of-the-art equipments and quality research. Therefore, policies geared towards ensuring easier enrollment of the economic and geographically disadvantaged, may result in an increase in the number of dropouts from the universities and closure of some departments. In conclusion, standards of university education may fall and they will become unsustainable if undue advantage is given during admission of those who are economic and geographically disadvantaged. Policies geared towards ensuring equal distribution of resources in various countries will help address challenges of students that are poor and from rural areas.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, there is inequality in the distribution of resources.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
that are from less developed area
are faced
with an uphill task of gaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
. It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
process for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be made
easier.
However
, I disagree with this notion as such a measure will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
standard of education and it is not sustainable.

Firstly
, when then entry requirements of courses in the tertiary institutions
are lowered
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
and geographical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disadvantaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the standard of education in the colleges will fall. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
less qualified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
courses they are not qualified for.
For example
, the
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
north east
part of Nigeria, is the poorest and most remote region, and the natives are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
incentives
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
study in the colleges. As a consequence, academic performance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in this regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
has been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
graduates from such institutions can not compete with their counterparts in other parts of Nigeria. This would have
been avoided
if
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
do not lower their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
criteria in favor of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disadvantaged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Universities
will not be sustainable if more advantages is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
and from rural ares
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
colleges require huge
Possible spelling mistake found.
fundings
, which is
mainly
Consider using a past participle here: "derived".
derive
from
Possible spelling mistake found.
tuitions
.
As a result
, the fees from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be increased
, and may
still
be insufficient to ensure plans such as procurement of state-of-the-art equipments and quality research.
Therefore
, policies geared towards ensuring easier enrollment of the economic and
geographically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disadvantaged
, may result in an increase in the number of dropouts from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
and closure of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
departments.

In conclusion
, standards of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education may
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
fall and
they will become unsustainable if undue advantage is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
of those who are economic and
geographically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disadvantaged
. Policies geared towards ensuring equal distribution of resources in various countries will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
address challenges of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
that are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
and from rural areas.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Poor people and those living in the rural area find it difficult to access university education. University education should be made easy for this group of people. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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