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students at school and universities learn far more from lessons with teachers than from other sources( such as internet and television). to what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

students at school and universities learn far more from lessons with teachers than from other sources( such as internet and television). v. 1
Today, the young generation compares very smart to previous ones. They use the gadgets like even an adult cannot know or even they cannot use as fast as them. However, In the topic of education for students at school and universities, They teach better and learn far better from the teachers as compare to the TV or internet. I totally agree with it. Firstly, Teachers are alma mater in the students' life. They learn the children in school with a very simple method that television or internet can not. Even the topic, complexity is too high, they teach them in a very easy way that they learn fast and remember easily. Moreover, The teachers are taking personally care for each and every student in their class. Meanwhile, They know that this student is weak in the subject like mathematics or history subjects, then they give them extra homework and give them to suggestion how do they do it and learn it easily. These kind of things is not done by any television or internet facilities. Furthermore, Any practical knowledge like in chemistry and physics lab is done by the teachers only. These kind of human work is not done by any gadgets. Even sports activity, refreshment, physical stress is not done by the internet or TV. Nowadays, The use of internet or television is highly approachable for refreshment and education purpose too. Hence, Apart from that, These students cannot follow what is their aim when these gadgets are in those hands and they simply starts games and watch YouTube videos. No doubt in that the internet has a huge content of studies and great practice of learning, but not in a proper manner which teachers have. To conclude, In the school and universities, students teach from teachers is far better instead of the other sources like internet and television for their personal growth and development. I totally agree with this.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, the young generation compares
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
smart to previous ones. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the gadgets like even an adult cannot know or even they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
as them.
However
, In the topic of education for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at school and universities, They teach better and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
far better from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
as compare to the TV or internet. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with it.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers
are alma mater in the students' life. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the children in school with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
simple method that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
or internet can not. Even the topic, complexity is too high, they teach them in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy way that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and remember
easily
.
Moreover
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are taking
personally
care for each and every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. Meanwhile, They know that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is weak in the subject like mathematics or history subjects, then they give them extra homework and give them to suggestion how do they do it and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
it
easily
.
Did you mean "this kind" or "These kinds"?
These kind
of things is not done by any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
or internet facilities.

Furthermore
, Any practical knowledge like in chemistry and physics lab
is done
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
Did you mean "this kind" or "These kinds"?
These kind
of human work is not done by any gadgets. Even sports activity, refreshment, physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
is not done by the internet or TV.

Nowadays, The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of internet or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is
highly
approachable for refreshment and education purpose too.
Hence
, Apart from that, These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
cannot follow what is their aim when these gadgets are in those
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
hands and
they
simply
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "start"
starts
games and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
YouTube videos. No doubt in that the internet has a huge content of studies and great practice of learning,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
Consider replacing "in a proper manner" with the adverb for "proper"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a proper manner
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have.

To conclude
, In the school and universities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
teach from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
is far better
instead
of the other sources like internet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
for their personal growth and development. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay students at school and universities learn far more from lessons with teachers than from other sources( such as internet and television). v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
320 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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