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Every one should become vegetarian because they do not need to eat meat to have a healthy diet. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Every one should become vegetarian because they do not need to eat meat to have a healthy diet. v. 1
Living above the means is becoming a lifestyle among young people and some people are of the opinion that this is becoming a problem for the populace. Several youths are increasingly buying items that they don't need and can't afford using their credit card to fund such, and this can be reduced by taking actions that may prevent them from going bankrupt. This essay will discuss the reasons for this behaviour as well as how to reduce it. Firstly, the public is influencing people to take up lifestyles which aren't sustainable. The community has a lot of influence on how we manage our resources and the impact on people is alarming. The community keeps up the pressure of fashion, entertainment, and drugs on people, thereby, making them victims of such. To resolve this, families need to take an inner look at themselves, discussing how to manage their resources by purchasing only items that they need per time instead of bowing to the pressure of buying things that they won't use. Secondly, humans are insatiable and this has lead to increased debts for many. Living a life of luxury over a life of modesty has become the norm in most places. Everyone wants to live a life that is above their income so as to impress their friends and colleagues at work, leading to an increased debt profile. To prevent this, banks should reduce the level of loans that it gives to its customers by checking their income level to determine the amount of money that can be loaned to them. In conclusion, an educated and morally inclined society is needed to reduce the burden of debts incurred by citizens of the society and this responsibility doesn't lie with the government alone, but with parents who are responsible for bringing up children worthy of making the community a better place to live in.
Living above the means is becoming a lifestyle among young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that this is becoming a problem for the populace. Several youths are
increasingly
buying items that they don't need and can't afford
If 'afford' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to use".
using
their credit card to fund such, and this can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by taking actions that may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from going bankrupt. This essay will discuss the reasons for this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
as well
as how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
it.

Firstly
, the public is influencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take up lifestyles which aren't sustainable. The community has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
influence on how we manage our resources and the impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is alarming. The community
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
up the pressure of fashion, entertainment, and drugs on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, thereby, making them victims of such. To resolve this, families need to take an inner look at themselves, discussing how to manage their resources by purchasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
items that they need per time
instead
of bowing to the pressure of buying things that they won't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

Secondly
, humans are insatiable and this has lead to increased debts for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
. Living a life of luxury over a life of modesty has become the norm in most places. Everyone wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a life
that is
above their income
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
impress their friends and colleagues at work, leading to an increased debt profile. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this, banks should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the level of loans that it gives to its customers by checking their income level to determine the amount of money that can
be loaned
to them.

In conclusion
, an educated and
morally
inclined society
is needed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the burden of debts incurred by citizens of the society and this responsibility doesn't lie with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
alone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with parents who are responsible for bringing up children worthy of making the community a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Every one should become vegetarian because they do not need to eat meat to have a healthy diet. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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