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Stress-related illnesses are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Stress-related illnesses are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 7
Nowadays illnesses caused by stress are increasingly becoming common. This essay will discuss long working hours and increased job pressure as some of the causes. This essay will also suggest solutions to the problem, including work-life balance and the need to prioritize and set task deadlines. People are working long hours with increased job pressure. They place themselves under these unfavorable conditions to remain relevant in a competitive workforce. For example, some people aspire to get to the pinnacle of their careers and get paid good wages. Often times, this leads to both mental and physical stress as a result of juggling too many tasks with little or no time to rest. Creating and maintaining a good work-life balance and being able to prioritize tasks is critical to cushioning stress-related illnesses, which have the tendency of becoming worse by the inability to prioritize tasks. For example, employees may get fatigued by working nonstop all week without making time for a proper meal, working out, or spending time with loved ones. Therefore, to minimize work-related illnesses caused by stress, one needs to consciously strike a balance with work and also set achievable goals while prioritizing properly. In conclusion, in today’s rapidly changing society, more people are falling ill due to stress. This essay discussed how work-related stress is often caused by prolonged working hours and increased job pressure. This essay also suggested that the solution to this problem is to create a work-life balance and to prioritize properly on task, setting achievable and measurable goals.
Nowadays illnesses caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
are
increasingly
becoming common. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
will discuss long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours and increased job pressure as
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
causes. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
will
also
suggest solutions to the problem, including work-life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
and the need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prioritize
and set
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
deadlines.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
long hours with increased job pressure. They place themselves under these unfavorable conditions to remain relevant in a competitive workforce.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aspire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to the pinnacle of their careers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
wages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
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times
, this leads to both mental and physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
as a result
of juggling too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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tasks
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to rest.

Creating and maintaining a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
work-life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
and being able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prioritize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
is critical to cushioning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-related illnesses, which have the tendency of becoming worse by the inability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prioritize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
.
For example
, employees may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fatigued by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
nonstop all week without making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for a proper meal,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
out, or spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.
Therefore
, to minimize work-related illnesses caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
, one needs to
consciously
strike a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
with work and
also
set achievable goals while prioritizing
properly
.

In conclusion
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
rapidly
changing society, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are falling ill due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
discussed how work-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
caused by prolonged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours and increased job pressure. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
also
suggested that the solution to this problem is to create a work-life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
and to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prioritize
properly
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
, setting achievable and measurable goals.
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Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Stress-related illnesses are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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