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Do children do better when they are physically punished or rewarded? v.1

Do children do better when they are physically punished or rewarded? v. 1
Children are the future of any country and society who make the changes in the customs and cultures with the time. No family can grow without efficient investment in children. We can see many children performing really well in different sectors of society whether it is in dancing, sports, technical knowledge, and education or in any other sector. With all the efforts they must be handled and grow up with proper care and affection. Children cannot perform better if they are not handled carefully. Physical punishment and assault certainly affect their mental ability and thinking power. It not only restricts their performance, but also make them feel like some sort of insecurity. We can see many cases of physical punishment where the child gets into depression which resulted in a lack of performance. But when they are being rewarded it somewhere motivates them to lead for their task. Children are those who can be get into what they want, but the only thing which resists is environment and support of parents and teachers. The most important reason of why they should not be punished is output which they won’t be able to give if assaulted. Though, there are more chances of improvement and enhancement in their calibre if they are being rewarded. Some of the researches say children are made up of soft soil that can be get into anything what you want. So if they are properly taken care of, it is helpful for them to grow and succeed in their task. Upbringing of children is the most important factor in their behaviour and approaches which somehow and at certain level help them think wisely for better achievement. However, it cannot be denied pamper can spoil children if not suitably taken care of. But it is fact that punishment never makes the children to grow but a reward can.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are the future of any country and society who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the customs and cultures with the time. No family can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grow
without efficient investment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
performing
really
well in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sectors of society whether it is in dancing, sports, technical knowledge, and education or in any other sector. With all the efforts they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be handled
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grow
up with proper care and affection.

Children cannot perform better if they are not handled
carefully
. Physical punishment and assault
certainly
affect their mental ability and thinking power. It not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
restricts their performance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of insecurity. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases of physical punishment where the child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
into depression which resulted in a lack of performance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
when they are
being rewarded
it somewhere motivates them to lead for their task.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are those who can be
Consider using a past participle here: "got", "gotten".
get
into what they want,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing which resists
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "am", "are", "aren".
is
environment and support of parents and teachers.

The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason of why they should not
be punished
is output which they won’t be able to give if assaulted. Though, there are more chances of improvement and enhancement in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'calibre' is British English.
calibre
if they are
being rewarded
.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
researches say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are made
up of soft soil that can be
Consider using a past participle here: "got", "gotten".
get
into anything what you want.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
if they are
properly
taken care of, it is helpful for them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grow
and succeed in their task. Upbringing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and approaches which somehow and at certain level
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
wisely
for better achievement.

However
, it cannot
be denied
pamper can spoil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
if not
suitably
taken care of.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it is fact that punishment never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a reward can.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Do children do better when they are physically punished or rewarded? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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