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Stress-related illnesses are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Stress-related illnesses are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggests? v. 5
Sickness related to stress have become increasingly popular among young generation in this modern era. This essay will discuss two main causes of stress related sickness including longer working hours and poor diet. This essay also discuss two major solutions to these problems including improving one's work life balance and following proper diet. To begin with, People are working longer hour than ever before. In addition, they do not get time to have proper diet. It is because they are always trying to manage comfort and luxuries life style. For instance, Recent survey conducted by Nepal Government showed that almost 95% Nepali who are working over time in order to maintain proper life style resulting physical and mental suffering on them. Hence, The addition role they take to make their life better can be stressful. Besides every problems, there is always one or two solutions. Stress can be reduced by having proper diet and maintaining work life balance. If one take care of his/her diet and not work over time, then they get time to take care their health and enjoy with family and friends. Moreover, If employees are less stressed then it helps to enhance their efficiency and work productivity. To illustrate, According to Chaudhary Group of Industries 75% project were done before deadline when employees are not forced to work longer hours. Thus, stress occur health problem to people as a result they can not able to 100% perform to their work. In conclusion, stress related problems are increasing day by day. Thereafter, people are getting more health issues which results inefficiency and less work productivity. This essay discussed two main causes of these problems and solutions how to overcome from it.
Sickness related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
have become
increasingly
popular among young generation in this modern era. This essay will discuss two main causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
related sickness including longer working hours and poor diet. This essay
also
discuss two major solutions to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
including improving one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
balance and following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
diet.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are working longer hour than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
In addition
, they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
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time
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
diet. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are always trying to manage comfort and luxuries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style.
For instance
, Recent survey conducted by Nepal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that almost 95% Nepali who are working over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in order to maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style resulting physical and mental suffering on them.
Hence
, The addition role they take to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
better can be stressful.

Besides
every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "problem"?
problems
, there is always one or two solutions.
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Stress
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
diet and maintaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
balance. If one take care of his/her diet and not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, then they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to take care their health and enjoy with family and friends.
Moreover
, If employees are less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
Did you mean "than"?
then
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to enhance their efficiency and
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work
productivity. To illustrate, According to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chaudhary
Group of Industries 75% project
were done
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
deadline when employees are not forced to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
longer hours.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
occur health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as a result
they can not able to 100% perform to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are increasing day by day. Thereafter,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are getting more health issues which results inefficiency and less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
productivity. This essay discussed two main causes of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and solutions how to overcome from it.
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IELTS essay Stress-related illnesses are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
284 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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