Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Stress related illness are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the cause of this? What solution can you suggest? v.4

Stress related illness are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the cause of this? What solution can you suggest? v. 4
Following the trend of globalization, people from different countries become increasingly familiar with each other as we are using the similar smartphones mimicking each others design, watching same TV programmes and Hollywood movies, following same KOLs on social media websites. Some people don't really like such trend as it is threatening the diversity of culture and languages of human being. Some other people, including myself, are enjoying this process of development. Firstly, for cultural perspective, such development is a perfect filter of traditions in different areas or cultures, leading to a more civilized world. Due to different geographical or historical background, some traditional events and habits were formed under certain circumstances, and might not be as civilized we commonly can accept nowadays. Thus the spreading of similar products and information stream standardized the common sense throughout the world, resulting in a better mutual understanding and a higher moral standard. Secondly, from an economic perspective, this development helps to improve productivity. Using unified standard means less effort needed to overcome communication difficulties. For example, people from different places are familiar with the same type of User Interface in smartphones, thanks to Google and Apple, so manufacturers can easily follow the same logic to develop and improve the operating system without questioning whether users can understand the function. On the other hand, it is true that some people say globalization is endangering their niche tradition and culture, but I believe real positive culture will shine brighter in this process. The samurai culture from Japan was probably never broadly heard in Europe before 1800's, but after the contact between eastern and western countries, the bravery and loyalty of such soldiers were highly respected in both continents, encouraging generations after generations people to honour their words and reputation. In conclusion, globalization is a process that unifies global moral standard, simplifies the communication process during production, and filters cultures formed by different backgrounds but keeps the good ones. With this development going on, I believe human being will put down unnecessary misunderstanding and stand together to build a much better future of our own.
Following the trend of globalization,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
countries become
increasingly
familiar with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
as we are using the similar smartphones mimicking each others design, watching same TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and Hollywood movies, following same
Possible spelling mistake found.
KOLs
on social media websites.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't
really
like such trend as it is threatening the diversity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and languages of human being.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, including myself, are enjoying this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
of development.

Firstly
, for cultural perspective, such development is a perfect filter of traditions in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
areas or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
, leading to a more civilized world. Due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
geographical or historical background,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
traditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and habits
were formed
under certain circumstances, and might not be as civilized we
commonly
can accept nowadays.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the spreading of similar products and information stream standardized the common sense throughout the world, resulting in a better mutual understanding and a higher moral standard.

Secondly
, from an economic perspective, this development
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
productivity. Using unified standard means less effort needed to overcome communication difficulties.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
places are familiar with the same type of User Interface in smartphones, thanks to Google and Apple,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
manufacturers can
easily
follow the same logic to develop and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the operating system without questioning whether users can understand the function.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say globalization is endangering their niche tradition and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe real
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
will shine brighter in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
. The samurai
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
from Japan was
probably
never
broadly
heard in Europe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "1800s".
1800's
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after the contact between eastern and western countries, the bravery and loyalty of such soldiers were
highly
respected in both continents, encouraging generations after generations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
their words and reputation.

In conclusion
, globalization is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
that unifies global moral standard, simplifies the communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
during production, and filters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
formed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
backgrounds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
ones. With this development going on, I believe human being will put down unnecessary misunderstanding and stand together to build a much better future of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Stress related illness are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the cause of this? What solution can you suggest? v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
349 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts