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Some people believe that all wild animals should be protected. Others say that few wild animals should be protected instead. v.3

Some people believe that all wild animals should be protected. Others say that few wild animals should be protected instead. v. 3
People have different opinions about saving and protecting wild animals. A group of people believe that all wild animals should be protected while others think that we should only preserve several ones. The following paragraphs will discuss both views in detail, but I personally believe that all wild animals should be conserved. For a number of reasons, some people believe that not all wild animals should be preserved. Firstly, they believe that the overpopulation of wild animals could become a threat for our existence. For example, should the population of Zebra and Wildebeest in Africa is protected, then the existence of these animals might become overpopulated, and as a result, they might explore the farming areas in Africa. Secondly, conserving wild animals requires a large amount of money. They believe that these funds should be allocated for humanity issues, as many third world countries are still struggling against starvation and deathly diseases. However, others think that all wild animals must be protected. The main reason behind this view is that all of the wild animals plays an important role in the ecosystem. Should there be one of these animals extinct, then the ecosystem would be unbalanced and it might have a catastrophic effect on the environment. Another reason is that the existence of these wild animal is beneficial for human beings. Scientists have found out that some wild animals could be used as a medical treatment, such as the blood of a snake which can be used to heal skin diseases. There is another reason that forms the opinion that all wild animals are important and should be equally protected. The reason explains that if we protect some selected wild animals, others might get extinct and then we will damage the biodiversity of the world. In conclusion, a number of people believe that we should protect all wild animals, while others think that we should only preserve some of them. Both groups have their own opinions, but I strongly believe that we should conserve all wild animals.
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People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions about saving and protecting wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. A group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that all wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protected
while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
preserve several ones. The following paragraphs will discuss both views in detail,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
personally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that all wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should
be conserved
.

For a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that not all wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should
be preserved
.
Firstly
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the overpopulation of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
could become a threat for our existence.
For example
, should the population of Zebra and Wildebeest in Africa is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protected
, then the existence of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
become overpopulated, and
as a result
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
explore the farming areas in Africa.
Secondly
, conserving wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
requires a large amount of money. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that these funds should
be allocated
for humanity issues, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
third world countries are
still
struggling against starvation and deathly diseases.

However
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that all wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protected
. The main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
behind this view is that
Consider using "all the".
all of the
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the ecosystem. Should there be one of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
extinct, then the ecosystem would
be unbalanced
and it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have a catastrophic effect on the environment. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that the existence of these wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
is beneficial for human beings. Scientists have found out that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a medical treatment, such as the blood of a snake which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to heal skin diseases. There is another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
that forms the opinion that all wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and should be
equally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protected
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
that if we protect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
selected wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
extinct and
then we will damage the biodiversity of the world.

In conclusion
, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that we should protect all wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
preserve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them. Both groups have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
strongly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that we should conserve all wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that all wild animals should be protected. Others say that few wild animals should be protected instead. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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