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Speak about an important recent news event in your country and explain why it is important. v.1

Speak about an important recent news event in your country and explain why it is important. v. 1
Nowadays, cell phones have become very popular and easily available throughout the world. Most of the students from across the globe have access to smartphones and they have been using these gadgets not only for studying purposes but also for personal uses. However, I believe, the mobile phones should not be allowed in classrooms because it distracts the pupils and also affect the effective interaction. One of the main reasons for not allowing mobile phones during studying in classes is that it hampers the students' concentration and creates chaos in class. As a result, they don’t understand what the topic is about, obtains poor grades in mark sheet. For example, during my final year of undergraduate studies, there was a good student named Jahid, in my batch, who failed in his favourite subject because of mobile chatting during the lecture times. So, to make a student distract less from mobile phones, these kinds of electronic devices should be kept out of the classroom. Another reason is a disturbance in lecture, discussion between teacher and students. Although they can browse various sites using mobile data or Wi-Fi to get the information about the topic discussed in the classroom, but they might lack the knowledge miss important points and valuable advice, which their teacher is discussing. In addition, they might waste too much time visiting the non-authentic sites. For instance, there are many personal blogs and websites where the student cannot get a relevant understanding of the topic. All in all, despite having a few advantages of using the mobile devices in classrooms, they must not be allowed to use their cell phones so that in the future this can help them in achieving better results and build bright career. Furthermore, this maintains a better learning and teaching environment for both the students and teachers.
Nowadays, cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular and
easily
available throughout the world. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from across the globe have access to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
smartphones and
they have been using these gadgets not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for studying purposes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
.
However
, I believe, the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
in classrooms
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it distracts the pupils and
also
affect the effective interaction.

One of the main reasons for not allowing mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
during studying in classes is that it hampers the students' concentration and creates chaos in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
As a result
, they don’t understand what the topic is about, obtains poor grades in mark sheet.
For example
, during my final year of undergraduate studies, there was a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
named
Possible spelling mistake found.
Jahid
, in my batch, who failed in his
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
subject
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of mobile chatting during the lecture times.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
distract less from mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, these kinds of electronic devices should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
out of the classroom.

Another reason is a disturbance in lecture, discussion between teacher and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Although they can browse various sites using mobile data or Wi-Fi to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the information about the topic discussed in the classroom,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they might lack the knowledge miss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
points and valuable advice, which their teacher is discussing.
In addition
, they might waste too much time visiting the non-authentic sites.
For instance
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
personal blogs and websites where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a relevant understanding of the topic.

All in all, despite having a few advantages of using the mobile devices in classrooms, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that in the future this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in achieving better results and build bright career.
Furthermore
, this maintains a better learning and teaching environment for both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and teachers.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Speak about an important recent news event in your country and explain why it is important. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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