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Space travel has been made sometime and people think that space tourism will be probably developed in the future. Do you think space travel would be a positive and negative development? v.1

Space travel has been made sometime and people think that space tourism will be probably developed in the future. Do you think space travel would be a positive and negative development? v. 1
It is often said that people have more choices than they had once. I totally agree with this, and I believe that it is because of the internet and the globalisation. It is clear that the internet has led to a huge increase in options that are available to us. One of the best examples can be online streaming services. There is countless number of free and paid online video and music services, on which one may spend much time with pleasure, but I would agree that this causes problems for average users, since we have to make decisions every time about which content we are willing to consume, and it may take time and make us feel stressed. A personal example of this trend would be fact that we had only a tv, with the limited number of channels when I was a child, and it was facile to select what to watch among them. However, now I have subscriptions to some paid online streaming services, there are also many free ones, and moreover, I have a television, so sometimes it is really hard to decide. Secondly, another factor, which makes us undecided is the globalisation. The globalisation is making the world smaller, and people are able to get in contact with each other easier. For example, cheaper flights make middle and even low-income people to travel overseas. This means more holiday destinations and even new places that are potential to live for all these people, but then this means stressful and time-consuming deciding process for all these people. We no longer have the limited choices to travel like our grandparents did once, and this also affects us in another way. Nowadays, young adults want to study and even work abroad more to have different experiences, and it is entirely because of the globalism that entered our lives that made oversea travels affordable and easier. However, now these young people get stuck among a lot of options that they never had before, and they have difficulty in making final decision. In summary, we are faced with a large number of choices in many aspects of life, and this has negative aspects that cannot be ignored on our lives
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more choices than they had once. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this, and I believe that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the internet and the
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the internet has led to a huge increase in options that are available to us. One of the best examples can be online streaming services. There is countless number of free and paid online video and music services, on which one may spend much time with pleasure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this causes problems for average users, since we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
decisions every time about which content we are willing to consume, and it may take time and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
us feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
. A personal example of this trend would be fact that we had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
, with the limited number of channels when I was a child, and it was facile to select what to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
among them.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I have subscriptions to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
paid online streaming services, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
free ones, and
moreover
, I have a television,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it is
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to decide.

Secondly
, another factor, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
us undecided is the
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
. The
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
is making the world smaller, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in contact with each other easier.
For example
, cheaper flights
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
middle and even low-income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to travel overseas. This means more holiday destinations and even new places that are potential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
for all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
then this means stressful and time-consuming deciding process for all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. We no longer have the limited choices to travel like our grandparents did once, and this
also
affects us in another way. Nowadays, young adults want to study and even work abroad more to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
experiences, and it is
entirely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the globalism that entered our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
that made oversea travels affordable and easier.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
these young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
stuck among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
options that they never had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, and they have difficulty in making final decision.

In summary, we
are faced
with
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
choices in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of life, and this has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects that cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Space travel has been made sometime and people think that space tourism will be probably developed in the future. Do you think space travel would be a positive and negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
368 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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