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Space exploration is much expensive and money should be spent on more important things. What is your opinion? v.1

Space exploration is much expensive and money should be spent on more important things. What is your opinion? v. 1
For some time now, there has been an increasing trend in the number of families moving overseas in search of better career prospects. While some people are of the opinion that this benefits the offsprings of these families, others think that the children will have a tough time in their lives as a result of this. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument and why I believe that ultimately, the advantages of working in a foreign land completely outshine the disadvantages. Working outside the motherland in a first world country is something many people find beneficial. The perks of getting employed there are twofold; firstly, a higher job salary. The difference between the salaries which a person gets there is far more than what he would get should he do the same job in his home country. For instance, monthly wages of a truck driver in the USA is ten times more than the one employed in India. Secondly, because of higher pays, these people can afford a high quality of life for their descendants. These children are lucky enough to receive a higher quality education which will eventually help them grow in their own professional careers. To support this, the education systems of the third world countries, particularly India, focus just on the theoretical knowledge and ignore the potential of practical knowledge which the adolescents can readily experience in the developed nations. So, these reasons explain the positive aspects of living abroad. On the other hand, there are some deficits of living in a foreign nation. Some people have a very deep bonding with their extended families back home. So, residing several miles far from them often makes them homesick. For example, whenever an event in their kin is there in the schedule, these persons miss their hometown the most. In addition to that, prior to a well settled job, residing with the whole family can cause a hole in the pocket. To exemplify, an ordinary two-bedroom flat can cost approximately twenty times than what is there in a developing nation. These facts are enough to prove that the drawbacks of living in a foreign abode can not be denied. To sum things up, innumerable families are invariably getting inclined towards the idea of dwelling in a well-off nation. This essay discussed both the merits and the demerits, though negligible, of settling outside the mother country. In my opinion, the positive impacts entirely overshadow the negative ones.
For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, there has been an increasing trend in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
moving overseas in search of better career prospects. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that this benefits the
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the children will have a tough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
as a result
of this. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument and why I believe that
ultimately
, the advantages of working in a foreign land completely outshine the disadvantages.

Working outside the motherland in a
first
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find beneficial. The perks of getting employed there are twofold;
firstly
, a higher job salary. The difference between the salaries which a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
there is far more than what he would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
should he do the same job in his home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For instance
, monthly wages of a truck driver in the USA is ten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
more than the one employed in India.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of higher pays, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can afford a high quality of life for their descendants. These children are lucky
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to receive a higher quality education which will
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them grow in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
professional careers. To support this, the education systems of the third world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
particularly
India, focus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
on the theoretical knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the potential of practical knowledge which the adolescents can
readily
experience in the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, these reasons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of living abroad.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
deficits of living in a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
deep bonding with their extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
back home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, residing several miles far from them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them homesick.
For example
, whenever an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
in their kin is there in the schedule, these persons miss their hometown the most.
In addition
to that, prior to a well settled job, residing with the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can cause a hole in the pocket. To exemplify, an ordinary two-bedroom flat can cost approximately twenty
Use "(times)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
times
than what is there in a developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. These facts are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to prove that the drawbacks of living in a foreign abode can not
be denied
.

To sum things up, innumerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are
invariably
getting inclined towards the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of dwelling in a well-off
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. This essay discussed both the merits and the demerits, though negligible, of settling outside the mother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In my opinion, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts
entirely
overshadow the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ones.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Space exploration is much expensive and money should be spent on more important things. What is your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
410 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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