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Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might be in this case? What could be the disadvantaged of being self-employed? v.23

Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might be in this case? What could be the disadvantaged of being self-employed? v. 23
In recent years, start-up becomes a big trend, that leads to the increasing of individuals who decided to work independently. While there are many benefits to become self-employed, there are also some drawbacks to consider. I believe that people should scrutinize this situation before taking any decisions and this essay will discuss the reasons. There are various reasons why people think that self-employment is better. To begin with, people face difficulties when they apply for a job which required a few years of experience or high academic qualification degrees. In fact, almost company request a good curriculum vitaes from the applicants and if people want to have a high-paid job, certifications and diplomas are obligatory. Moreover, launching an own business gives a chance to make a lot of money quickly and easily. To illustrate, a large amount of money, which is nearly unlimited will be earned by an entrepreneur, instead of a fixed and small monthly salary. In spite of these benefits, I believe that there are several drawbacks to this. Firstly, self-employed persons may not have the guarantee for their finances. This is because, people do not have the stable income like a staff of a company, who gained salary constantly. Secondly, unbalancing in daily life will appear because of having own company. This happens because people must work extremely hard to maintain their business; thus, their time may be exhausted and they cannot get time to spend with their family and friends. In addition, their health may be affected by persistent working. To conclude, independent working can bring some benefits and enable people to have a better life condition. However, individuals must learn a lot and consider thoroughly about the disadvantages of that.
In recent years,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
-up becomes a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
trend, that leads to the increasing of individuals who decided to work
independently
. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to become self-employed, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks to consider. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should scrutinize this situation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
taking any decisions and this essay will discuss the reasons.

There are various reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that self-employment is better. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face difficulties when they apply for a job which required a few years of experience or high academic qualification degrees. In fact, almost
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
request a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
curriculum
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "vitae", the plural form of the noun 'vita'?
vitaes
from the applicants and if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to have a high-paid job, certifications and diplomas are obligatory.
Moreover
, launching an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business gives a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money
quickly
and
easily
. To illustrate, a large amount of money, which is
nearly
unlimited will
be earned
by an entrepreneur,
instead
of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
monthly salary.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
these benefits, I believe that there are several drawbacks to this.
Firstly
, self-employed persons may not have the guarantee for their finances. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have the stable income like a staff of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, who gained salary
constantly
.
Secondly
, unbalancing in daily life will appear
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. This happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
work
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to maintain their business;
thus
, their time may be
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
exhausted and
they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
time to spend with their family and friends.
In addition
, their health may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by persistent working.

To conclude
, independent working can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits and enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have a better life condition.
However
, individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
learn a lot and consider
thoroughly
about the disadvantages of that.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might be in this case? What could be the disadvantaged of being self-employed? v. 23

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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