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Sometimes people think that young people should be encouraged to leave their family at certain age, while others think that it’s better for them to remain with their families. What is your view? v.1

Sometimes people think that young people should be encouraged to leave their family at certain age, while others think that it’s better for them to remain with their families. What is your view? v. 1
Today, youth is facing to make a decision as to whether they live their parents or not. While a number people, sometimes, believe that parents should encourage their young adults to leave the family home after a particular age, others believe that those adults had better stay for them at their family home. This essay will discuss why young people eventually should leave their family at a certain age. First of all, many of young people want to leave the place they grew up in when they become a mature individual. So, why do youth people desire to do so? It is thought that young people can learn to live independently after leaving the family, which is the best way to gain valuable life experiences. For instance, young adults, who live with their parents despite the fact that they became mature, more likely suffer from managing tasks related to household than those who have the ability to live independently from an earlier age. Therefore, leaving the family from a certain age is beneficial to young adults. Secondly, living independently forms positively personality. People, who live alone, can learn to have responsibilities and manage their life. For instance, the majority of university students, who lives independently in their own flat, learn to be responsible for their decisions, and to manage their budget. Moreover, a number of education experts say that these students will be successful and have a sense of responsibility in the future as adults. Thus, it is less likely becoming a responsible adult as well as managing their money unless youngsters experience to live independently of their families. In conclusion, although some people think that young people should live with their family, in my opinion, living independently of the family is more advantageous for young people. It is because an independent life has taught people plenty of life skills such as building a sense of responsibility and money management over a period of a hundred year.
Today
, youth is facing to
make
a decision
as to whether
they
live
their parents or not. While a number
people
,
sometimes
, believe that parents should encourage their
young
adults
to
leave
the
family
home after a particular age, others believe that those
adults
had better stay for them at their
family
home. This essay will discuss why
young
people
eventually
should
leave
their
family
at a certain age.

First of all
,
many
of
young
people
want to
leave
the place they grew up in when they become a mature individual.
So
, why do youth
people
desire to do
so
? It is
thought
that
young
people
can learn to
live
independently
after leaving the
family
, which is the best way to gain valuable
life
experiences.
For instance
,
young
adults
,
who
live
with their parents despite the fact that they became mature, more likely suffer from managing tasks related to household than those
who
have the ability to
live
independently from
an earlier age.
Therefore
, leaving the
family
from a certain age is beneficial to
young
adults.

Secondly
, living
independently
forms
positively
personality.
People
,
who
live
alone, can learn to have responsibilities and manage their
life
.
For instance
, the majority of university students,
who
lives
independently
in their
own
flat, learn to be responsible for their decisions, and to manage their budget.
Moreover
, a number of education experts say that these students will be successful and have a sense of responsibility in the future as
adults
.
Thus
, it is less likely becoming a responsible adult
as well
as managing their money unless youngsters experience to
live
independently
of their families.

In conclusion
, although
some
people
think
that
young
people
should
live
with their
family
, in my opinion, living
independently
of the
family
is more advantageous for
young
people
. It is
because
an independent
life
has taught
people
plenty
of
life
skills
such as building a sense of responsibility and money management over a period of a hundred year.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay Sometimes people think that young people should be encouraged to leave their family at certain age, while others think that it’s better for them to remain with their families. What is your view? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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