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Some countries are struggling with an increase in the rate of crime. Many people think that having more police on the streets is the only way to reduce crime. To what extent do you agree? v.6

Some countries are struggling with an increase in the rate of crime. Many people think that having more police on the streets is the only way to reduce crime. v. 6
Nowadays, the increasing amount, the number of crimes are significant issues among various nations. Therefore, many countries are on the battle with crimes. To reduce this, many people think that installing more police force on the avenue is the best solution. But, in my opinion, there is a plethora of alternative ways which might significantly use to minimize the sum of illegal tasks. To begin with, it is an appreciative solution that is installing more surveillance in the living area where the amount of offenders is high. Therefore, by the allocation of stricter security, evil sum would be decreased due to street are twenty four hours under the surveillance. For example, if an area is under strict security system, the criminals would be afraid to commit crime. Secondly, if authorities allowed to place more cops in the lane there would be easy for the local person to report against the evil. However, if there no any cops nearby, it would be difficult for the locals to report and it will take more time. Therefore, having more cops in the areas make benefit a person with to report anything they have seen as illegal. Despite of the above arguments, I am of the opinion that there are may ways to decrease the illegal rate. First and foremost is, installing the CCTV camera in each street, therefore it would under the control and regulation for twenty four hours per day. For example, offender avoids committing crime in those areas have the CCTV security system with the fear of to be caught. Secondly, the government should provide more opportunity of employment for the youth because, unemployment is the major cause to become criminals. Therefore, higher authorities should aid the people with jobs by increasing the number of jobs. To conclude, also the installation of more number of police in the street would help to reduce the crime, but the government should also take other alternative methods to tackle with this problem.
Nowadays, the increasing amount, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are significant issues among various nations.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries are on the battle with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that installing more police force on the avenue is the best solution.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in my opinion, there is a plethora of alternative ways which might
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to minimize the sum of illegal tasks.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is an appreciative solution
that is
installing more surveillance in the living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
where the amount of offenders is high.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, by the allocation of stricter security, evil sum would
be decreased
due to street are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
twenty four
hours under the surveillance.
For example
, if an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
is under strict security system, the criminals would be afraid to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Secondly
, if authorities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
Did you mean "placing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'allow' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to place
more cops in the lane there would be easy for the local person to report against the evil.
However
, if
Please check whether a verb is missing here or whether 'there' should be 'their'.
there no
any cops nearby, it would be difficult for the locals to report and it will take more time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, having more cops in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
benefit a person with to report anything they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as illegal.

Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
the above arguments, I am of the opinion that there are may ways to decrease the illegal rate.
First
and foremost is, installing the CCTV camera in each street,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
it would under the control and regulation for
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
twenty four
hours per day.
For example
, offender avoids committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
have the CCTV security system with the fear of to
be caught
.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide more opportunity of employment for the youth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, unemployment is the major cause to become criminals.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, higher authorities should aid the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with jobs by increasing the number of jobs.

To conclude
,
also
the installation of more number of police in the street would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
also
take other alternative methods to tackle with this problem.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some countries are struggling with an increase in the rate of crime. Many people think that having more police on the streets is the only way to reduce crime. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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