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Sometimes people are rejecting a job opportunity due to their age or other circumstances. Is it a negative or a positive approach? Give your opinion and relevant examples. v.2

Sometimes people are rejecting a job opportunity due to their age or other circumstances. Is it a negative or a positive approach? Give your opinion and relevant examples. v. 2
Every people need a job to not only make a living but also discipline ourselves. However, our careers are only one of tools for a happy life. sometimes we have reasonable decision to choose other thing instead of a high salary position. Followings are my main arguments. First, we find out a chance to devote all our lives to a greater thing than personal favorites. For example, my sister was a senior management in an international cooperation, but suddenly she quitted her job last year to become a volunteer manager in an environmental non-government organization with a much lower wage. she explains to me that she can make more contributions to society fighting against air pollution than working 15 hours per day without a clear purpose for her life. In history, Buddha, who should have become a powerful king, leaved his parade to find a way to save human kinds from sufferings. second, we refuse an invitation to a lucrative position to spend time on preparing for our future careers more soundly. In the case of my best friend, he rejected a chance to become a chief architect in his second year at university. he wanted to take advantage of freedom in that precious period for studying more on other subjects such as history, literature and even politics to expand his knowledge and find out his truly desire. In short, sometimes people have persuasive reasons to refuse top companies with immense salary immediately. some ideal people find out more crucial destiny for their life than earning money. some ambitious people want to study more to gain even greater success in the future.
Every
people
need a job to not
only
make
a living
but
also
discipline ourselves.
However
, our careers are
only
one of tools for a happy life.
sometimes
we have reasonable decision to choose other thing
instead
of a high salary position. Followings are my main arguments.

First
, we
find
out a chance to devote all our
lives
to a greater thing than personal favorites.
For example
, my sister was a senior management in an international cooperation,
but
suddenly
she
quitted
her job last year to become a volunteer manager in an environmental non-
government
organization with a much lower wage.
she
explains
to me that she can
make
more contributions to society fighting against air pollution than working 15 hours per day without a
clear
purpose for her life. In history, Buddha, who should have become a powerful king, leaved his parade to
find
a way to save human kinds from sufferings.

second
, we refuse an invitation to a lucrative position to spend time on preparing for our future careers more
soundly
. In the case of my best friend, he rejected a chance to become a chief architect in his second year at university.
he
wanted to take advantage of freedom in that precious period for studying more on other subjects such as history, literature and even politics to expand his knowledge and
find
out his
truly
desire.

In short,
sometimes
people
have persuasive reasons to refuse top
companies
with immense salary immediately.
some
ideal
people
find
out more crucial destiny for their life than earning money.
some
ambitious
people
want to study more to gain even greater success in the future.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Sometimes people are rejecting a job opportunity due to their age or other circumstances. Is it a negative or a positive approach? Give your opinion and relevant examples. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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