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Nowadays, some parents pressure their children to be successful. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development? v.2

Nowadays, some parents pressure their children to be successful. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development? v. 2
Over the last few years, children are usually pressurized by their parents to excel mainly because of the insecurity they have about their career. I believe this is a negative trend as everyone has different interest and performance cannot be enhanced by pressure. One reason why parents push their children to perform well to achieve success is due to the insecurity they have regarding their career. In other words, parents are seriously concerned about the grades their child obtains at school as they think it will have a direct impact over their future. With their child not performing up to the mark worries them a lot. Another reason for this parental insecurity is the fear they have about their child lacking behind. Most parents, for instance, spend huge chunks of money over their child’s education as a result of this fear, and therefore, exert pressure on them to achieve academic excellence. In my opinion, I think parents pressurizing their children for success is actually counter-productive. The reason for this is simply because of the fact that success is a result of one’s motivation to apply themselves to carry out tasks independently. This skill cannot be induced in a person by putting pressure over them. For example, someone good at Mathematics, will not necessarily perform well in sports, regardless of the pressure exerted. This is a clear reason why achieving success does not depend on the amount of pressure, and doing so in fact becomes a hurdle in the path of achieving success. In conclusion, while parents, being focussed about their child’s future, exert pressure on their children to achieve success. I feel, more attention ought to be paid on their interest rather than deciding on their carrier.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Over
the last few years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
usually
pressurized by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to excel
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the insecurity they have about their career. I believe this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend as everyone has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
interest and performance cannot
be enhanced
by pressure.

One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
push their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to perform well to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is due to the insecurity they have regarding their career.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
seriously
concerned about the grades their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
obtains at school as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it will have a direct impact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
their future. With their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
not performing up to the mark worries them a lot. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for this parental insecurity is the fear they have about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
lacking behind. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
for instance
, spend huge chunks of money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
education
as a result
of this fear, and
therefore
, exert
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on them to achieve academic excellence.

In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
pressurizing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is actually counter-productive. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for this is
simply
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is a result of one’s motivation to apply themselves to carry out tasks
independently
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
cannot
be induced
in a person by putting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
them.
For example
, someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at Mathematics, will not
necessarily
perform well in sports, regardless of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
exerted. This is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
does not depend on the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
, and doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in fact becomes a hurdle in the path of achieving success.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
being focussed
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
future, exert
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. I feel, more attention ought to
be paid
on their interest
rather
than deciding on their carrier.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, some parents pressure their children to be successful. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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