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Some people think that the teenagers should concentrate on all subjects at school. Others believe that teenagers should focus on subject they are best at or they are most interested in. To what extent do you agree? v.2

Some people think that the teenagers should concentrate on all subjects at school. Others believe that teenagers should focus on subject they are best at or they are most interested in. v. 2
Although, it is thought by some that teenagers ought to focus on all school subjects, others think that they should concentrate only on chosen subjects. In my opinion, the subject that teenage students should study depend on their age. On the one hand, younger children from 13 to 16 years should focus on as many subjects as possible. This is simply because at a younger age they need basic knowledge from a variety of subjects. For example, children need basic Maths to solve arithmetic in daily life, Sports to encourage health and Science to know basic fundamental laws of nature. Young students, moreover, are immature to realize their own interest, and hence, cannot select any particular subject. As they study most subjects, they can make out their interest and the subject they are good at, which often changes with time. By studying many different subjects, pupils at a young age will set their foot towards overall holistic development and as a result, they will become well-rounded individuals. On the other hand, pupils aged 17 and above must be permitted to confine to specific subjects of their choice as opposed to their younger counterparts. This is down to the fact that by the age of 17, students are capable enough to decide on their carrier and devoting attention to many different subjects would simply mean a waste of time. In this way, focusing on select subjects will help them save time, which therefore can be utilized in research and in-depth study of that particular subject. In this way, older adolescents can specialise in their field of choice which creates employment opportunities in that stream. This is a clear reason why adolescents above 16 years must be allowed to study interest-driven subjects, without imposing unnecessary varieties over them. To conclude, while younger adolescent should study different subjects, older school students are required to direct their attention to interest-based subjects only, in order to ensure appropriate growth at different age.
Although, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
ought to focus on all school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they should concentrate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on chosen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
that teenage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
depend on their age.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
children from 13 to 16 years should focus on as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
as possible. This is
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
they need basic knowledge from a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
For example
, children need basic
Possible spelling mistake. 'Maths' is British English.
Maths
to solve arithmetic in daily life, Sports to encourage health and Science to know basic fundamental laws of nature. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
moreover
, are immature to realize their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
interest, and
hence
, cannot select any particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
. As they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
out their interest and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at, which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
with time. By studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, pupils at a young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
will set their foot towards
overall
holistic development and
as a result
, they will become well-rounded individuals.

On the other hand
, pupils aged 17 and above
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be permitted
to confine to specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
of their choice as opposed to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
counterparts. This is down to the fact that by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 17,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are capable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to decide on their carrier and devoting attention to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
would
simply
mean a waste of time. In this way, focusing on select
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them save time, which
therefore
can
be utilized
in research and in-depth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
of that particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
. In this way, older adolescents can
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialise' is British English.
specialise
in their field of choice which creates employment opportunities in that stream. This is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
reason why adolescents above 16 years
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
interest-driven
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, without imposing unnecessary varieties over them.

To conclude
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
adolescent should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, older school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are required
to direct their attention to interest-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, in order to ensure appropriate growth at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the teenagers should concentrate on all subjects at school. Others believe that teenagers should focus on subject they are best at or they are most interested in. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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