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Some young children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v.2

Some young children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 2
Nowadays, sports become an essential part of our life. Some young children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports. On the other hand, some other children do not do many exercises and focus too much on their studying. I, however, think that everything has two sides and this problem is not an exception, it has both advantages and disadvantages. Spending a plenty of time playing sports is really beneficial because it is good for children' s health. First of all, By doing exercises regularly, you can prevent many serious diseases such as heart attack, some disease regarding bone or back. Furthermore, when you do your job or study something, you may be suffering from many stress. So that if after the hard day, you relax by attending at some sports, you can feel better and it also reduces your stress at the day. Therefore, you can have a great health. Not only improve your health but also develop many soft skills, for example, collaborate, communicate, etc. For instance, when you practice basketball, you can meet many people and make a lot of new friends who perhaps will help you at your work or your study in the future. You also will be able to work in a group, it can be an excellent way to get used to working with other people at school or at work. On the other hand, some parents worry about their children that they might neglect their study at school and attend too much at sports. It cannot be denied that playing several sports is totally good, but if children play it too much, it can be the children’s top target. So that kids do not want to put their most attention in their study. For example, I have a friend who really fond of playing soccer and he is very good at that, but in other subjects, he always has poor performance. Then after a year he has to drop out of the school. Thus the adolescent should not play it too much. In conclusion, I firmly believe that young kids should play sport regular but not too much, just for 2 or 3 hours a day is enough for them. Then, the rest of their time they can use that time to study or read books. So they can both have a great health and concentrate on their study
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
become an essential part of our life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend a great amount of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
practicing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
exercises and focus too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
on their studying. I,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that everything has two sides and this problem is not an exception, it has both advantages and disadvantages.

Spending a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is
really
beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, By doing exercises
regularly
, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
serious diseases such as heart attack,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disease regarding bone or back.
Furthermore
, when you do your job or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
something, you may be suffering from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that if after the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
day, you relax by attending at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, you can feel better and it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
at the day.
Therefore
, you can have a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
for example
, collaborate, communicate, etc.
For instance
, when you practice basketball, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
new friends who perhaps will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you at your work or your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in the future. You
also
will be able to work in a group, it can be an excellent way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to working with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at school or at work.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents worry about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that they might neglect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at school and attend too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. It cannot
be denied
that playing several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
play it too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
, it can be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
top target.
“So that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So that
kids do not want to put their most attention in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
For example
, I have a friend who
really
fond of playing
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
soccer and
he is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
subjects, he always has poor performance. Then after a year he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
drop out of the school.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the adolescent should not play it too much.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that young kids should play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
regular
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for 2 or 3 hours a day is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for them. Then, the rest of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
or read books.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they can both have a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and concentrate on their
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
study
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some young children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
397 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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