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Some young children participate in a wide range of extra-curricular activities such as music, sports, or photography. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this. Use specific reasons and details to support your response. v.1

Some young children participate in a wide range of extra-curricular activities such as music, sports, or photography. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this. Use specific reasons and details to support your response. v. 1
Making money has always been a primary objective of the entrepreneurs and startups, but they seldom realize their social responsibilities towards humanity. While I agree with the argument that earning money is important for any organization to stay alive in the competitive environment, there must be strong emphasis laid on the social aspects of their campaigns as well. Firstly, I feel that brands, new or established, must improve is their connection with the consumers. If the product is good and there is a need in the market for such items, it would surely sell and make handsome profits, however, if the connection with each individual consumer has not been established effectively, such selling model may not sustain for long. For instance, if there is a competitor in the market offering the same quality product at a lower price, there is a high probability that the current customers move to the other companies overnight. Such situations are disasters for any business and can be easily avoided by taking simple measures such as loyalty programs, callback value, jingles that rhyme with daily life and most importantly, why the brand owner thinks that someone should purchase their product or what problems can the product resolve. By incorporating such techniques in the daily ad campaigns, the companies not only increase the number of clients quickly, but also strengthens the existing customer relations as well. Secondly, the companies must pay attention to the customer queries and should have top of the line team of problem solvers. Such teams must work with a single goal in mind - to resolve the issue at the first point of contact itself. The after sales service for any item - big or small - plays a vital role in customer satisfaction which in turn works as a word of mouth. Happier customers are living signboards boasting about the good things about the company and attracting more people towards making purchases. So we can easily say that the companies kill three birds with a single stone - keep the existing clients happy, attract more customers and save costs on the advertisements too. Thirdly, the companies must understand that their ad campaigns are seen or heard by almost everyone across all age groups. This clearly means that the words, situations, actions and garments used while shooting ads must be relevant to the social public as well. The last thing that any organization would want is striking a debate on the vulgarity in their advertisements. This would initially have a direct hit on the sales and then steadily have its adverse effects on the existing client base. On the other hand, if a business focusses on the aspect of social responsibilities and designs its advertisements accordingly, it would do a great job for the company by bringing in the cash flow and the trustworthiness of the brand. I would like to conclude with the fact that social responsibilities should be on the priority list for the corporate companies along with generating sales at the same time.
Making money has always been a primary objective of the entrepreneurs and startups,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they seldom realize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
responsibilities towards humanity. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument that earning money is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for any organization to stay alive in the competitive environment, there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be strong emphasis laid on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
aspects of their campaigns
as well
.

Firstly
, I feel that brands, new or established,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
is their connection with the consumers. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and there is a need in the market for such items, it would
surely
sell and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
handsome profits,
however
, if the connection with each individual consumer has not
been established
effectively
, such selling model may not sustain for long.
For instance
, if there is a competitor in the market offering the same quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
at a lower price, there is a high probability that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
overnight. Such situations are disasters for any business and can be
easily
avoided by taking simple measures such as loyalty programs, callback value, jingles that rhyme with daily life and most
importantly
, why the brand owner
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that someone should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
or what problems can the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
resolve. By incorporating such techniques in the daily ad campaigns, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increase the number of clients
quickly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
strengthens the existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
relations
as well
.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
queries and should have top of the line team of problem solvers. Such teams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
work with a single goal in mind
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
to resolve the issue at the
first
point of contact itself. The after sales service for any item
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
plays a vital role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
satisfaction which in turn works as a word of mouth. Happier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
are living signboards boasting about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and attracting more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
towards making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we can
easily
say that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
kill three birds with a single stone
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the existing clients happy, attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
and save costs on the advertisements too.

Thirdly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
understand that their ad campaigns are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
or heard by almost everyone across all age groups. This
clearly
means that the words, situations, actions and garments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
while shooting ads
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be relevant to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
public
as well
. The last thing that any organization would want is striking a debate on the vulgarity in their advertisements. This would
initially
have a direct hit on the sales and then
steadily
have its adverse effects on the existing client base.
On the other hand
, if a business
Possible spelling mistake. 'focusses' is British English.
focusses
on the aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
responsibilities and designs its advertisements
accordingly
, it would do a great job for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
by bringing in the cash flow and the trustworthiness of the brand.

I would like
to conclude
with the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
responsibilities should be on the priority list for the corporate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
along with generating sales at the same time.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some young children participate in a wide range of extra-curricular activities such as music, sports, or photography. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this. Use specific reasons and details to support your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
504 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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