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q2. Which one do you think is better: studying at a university close to your home town or at a university far away from your home town. v.1

q2. Which one do you think is better: studying at a university close to your home town or at a university far away from your home town. v. 1
Nutritional diet along with physical activities are secret of a healthy life. Age is no bar for playing any forms of sports. Although, there are various reasons for not playing sports at older ager which we will discuss follow. Firstly, adults are burdened not only with long working hours, but also in the management of their social life. This prevents them to pursue outdoor activities. Secondly, long working hours including travel time is another reason for non-following of sports. Thirdly, unhealthy lifestyle, including irregular sleeping time, leaves little time for sports. Obesity is yet another prime reason of not playing an athletic games. Sports are played by all age groups, but due to lack of a companion or unavailability of nearby grounds are some of the other reasons of not playing outdoor games. As per survey performed by UNESCO in 2018, there are 90% of the individual prefer to watch games on television rather participating themselves. In order to involve adults in outdoor games, companies can organize internal as well as external tournaments with rewards will encourage employees to participate and practice games. Community acclaimed events can be another way through which all age groups will be able to enjoy and contribute towards sports. In my community, we annually organize a sports day where all members participate and include varied games such as badminton, volleyball, basketball, cricket furthermore board games are arranged for senior citizens. After competition small rewards are distributed in forms of game equipment. This not only help all members to interact with each other, but also help to maintain health. In conclusion, I would like to opine that adults can play all types of games irrespective of their age and family along with community besides employer can help to initiate such activities.
Nutritional diet along with physical activities are secret of a healthy life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Age
is no bar for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
any forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Although, there are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
at older
Possible spelling mistake found.
ager
which we will discuss follow.

Firstly
, adults
are burdened
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with long working hours,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in the management of their social life. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
them to pursue outdoor activities.
Secondly
, long working hours including travel time is another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for non-following of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Thirdly
, unhealthy lifestyle, including irregular sleeping time,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Obesity is
yet
another prime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
of not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
an athletic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
are played
by all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to lack of a companion or unavailability of nearby grounds are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
of not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. As per survey performed by UNESCO in 2018, there are 90% of the individual prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on television
rather
participating themselves.

In order to involve adults in outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can organize internal
as well
as external tournaments with rewards will encourage employees to participate and practice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Community acclaimed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
can be another way through which all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups will be able to enjoy and contribute towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. In my community, we
annually
organize a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
It is better to use 'day' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "day when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
day where
all members participate and include varied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as badminton, volleyball, basketball, cricket
furthermore
board
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are arranged
for senior citizens.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
competition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
rewards
are distributed
in forms of game equipment. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
all members to interact with each other,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to maintain health.

In conclusion
, I would like to opine that adults can play all types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
irrespective of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and family along with community
besides
employer can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to initiate such activities.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay q2. Which one do you think is better: studying at a university close to your home town or at a university far away from your home town. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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