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Do you agree with the following statement? People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment- doing thing they like to do- rather than doing things they should do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.11

People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment- doing thing they like to do- rather than doing things they should do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 11
Nowadays the way the people spend their time has been changed than before. Many people like to spend most of their time for their enjoyment other than more important things that people must consider. In this essay I am going to bring some argues for this kind of behavior and then I am going to say why I agree with the statement. People who think that is better to spend most of their life time for their own enjoyment usually claim that life is short and it is better to have a fun exciting life rather than doing what is supposed to be done. In my point of view I think that changes in people life style is because of the changes in technology and communication. In many cases they helped people to ease their life and so think to other needs as in “quality of life”. But unfortunately many people may happened to get confused and pay attention more than usual to their own enjoyment other than to be more responsible and set up targets in life. In my opinion the mass media has affected people in many areas and this is one of them. I think that every particular thing in life has to be put in its own place and no activity should be done extraordinary. Fun and enjoyment are just a part of life and other dimensions of life should always be considered. People should always consider having a better job, educating, helping others, caring about beloved ones feelings and etc. and under this curcumstant they can truly feel that the quality of their life has been approved and reach to the true happiness they deserve. With a lack of any of these dimensions there were always something being missing from humans life.
Nowadays the way the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend their time has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to spend most of their time for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
than more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consider. In this essay I am going to bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argues for this kind of behavior and then I am going to say why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that is
better to spend most of their
Did you mean "lifetime"?
life time
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyment
usually
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is short and it is better to have a fun exciting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
rather
than doing what
is supposed
to
be done
.

In my point of view I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in technology and communication. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
needs as in “quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life”
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
unfortunately
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may happened to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
confused and pay attention more than usual to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
than to be more responsible and set up targets in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In my opinion the mass media has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas and this is one of them. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that every particular thing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be put
in its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
place and no activity should
be done
extraordinary. Fun and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyment
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
dimensions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
should always
be considered
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should always consider having a better job, educating, helping others, caring about beloved ones feelings
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
. and under this
Possible spelling mistake found.
curcumstant
they can
truly
feel that the quality of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
has
been approved
and reach to the true happiness they deserve. With a lack
Consider simply using "of" instead.
of any of
these dimensions there were always something being missing from humans
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment- doing thing they like to do- rather than doing things they should do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 11

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
297 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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