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Some young adults want to be independent as soon as possible. While others prefer to live with family member as long as they can. v.1

Some young adults want to be independent as soon as possible. While others prefer to live with family member as long as they can. v. 1
In today’s world, people have become the ones who define human values based on their wealth and career. In addition, traditions such as honour, kindness, and trust inherited from our ancient ancestors now seem insignificant. I believe that people are judged by their situation in life, despite the fact that people have forgotten the old traditions. Nowadays, the younger generation and teenagers tend to look superficially and ignore someone instead of good manners and politeness. For example, young adults want to look younger and more beautiful and on top of that, they love popularity, than getting good grades in school and making good performance. Some boys can't imagine their lives without the latest brand phones or gadgets on the market in order to get along with their friends. It can be said that the adolescent of the new century are now growing up with the goal of saving money and achieving success in life. On the flip side, there are people who know the value of their family and knowledge that everyone can achieve. This is evidenced by the active participation of young people in festivals, which are now celebrated since the time of our ancestors. It means how much the younger generation respects the traditions. That proves how wrong the idea that the younger generation is forgetting national traditions. To sum up, some people consume their precious lives by making money or by having a high position among people. But there are many in this world who are associated with their traditions such as kindness and good conduct
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become the ones who define human values based on their wealth and career.
In addition
, traditions such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
, kindness, and trust inherited from our ancient ancestors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
seem insignificant. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are judged
by their situation in life, despite the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have forgotten the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
traditions.

Nowadays, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
tend to look
superficially
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
someone
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
manners and politeness.
For example
, young adults want to look
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and
on top of that
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
popularity, than getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
grades in school and making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
performance.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
boys can't imagine their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
without the latest brand phones or gadgets on the market in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with their friends. It can
be said
that the adolescent of the new century are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
growing up with the goal of saving money and achieving success in life.

On the flip side, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who know the value of their family and knowledge that everyone can achieve. This
is evidenced
by the active participation of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in festivals, which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
celebrated since the time of our ancestors. It means how much the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generation respects the traditions. That proves how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generation is forgetting national traditions.

To sum up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consume their precious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
by making money or by having a high position among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
in this world who
are associated
with their traditions such as kindness and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
conduct
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some young adults want to be independent as soon as possible. While others prefer to live with family member as long as they can. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
258 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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