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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The government should support artists rather than allow them to support themselves. v.26

The government should support artists rather than allow them to support themselves. v. 26
In this age of information and technology, the popularity of social media sites like Facebook and Twitter is growing rapidly. While some may be sceptical about its positive impact on the society, others believe it to be a boon in disguise as it empowers individuals to voice their opinion. My thinking regarding social media is that its misuse causes the spread of fake news and false propaganda and ultimately has a negative impact on our community. With the advent of handheld smartphones and fast internet connectivity, social media has gained a lot of fame. Some of its advantages include the ability of people to connect with others and share their life's experience and information online. For example, the social media website Facebook has millions of users, which share thousands of photos, videos, posts etc. Every minute. Also it helps individuals to raise their concerns, make opinions and provide suggestions and reach others through the virtual platform these social sites provides them with. However, this has also lead to the misuse of these powerful tools to spread misinformation. Due to the widespread of the social websites and with its millions of followers, proper regulation cannot be enforced over it to avoid misconduct by the users. Due to this, many fake news and false information are promoted over this sites. Some may also lead false propaganda and campaign against certain sections of the society causing disharmony in the community. Moreover, as many people get online, they tend to participate less in the community activities as they prefer to socialise online from the comfort of their house. This reduced participation causes people to live in isolation and prevent community development. In conclusion, the social media's primary disadvantage of aiding in the spread of fake news, information and propaganda outweighs its positive traits of being a free platform for people to meet and be heard by others and strongly state that it would badly hamper civilization. In my opinion, the inability to regulate these websites is the key reason for the spread of such untrue information.
In this age of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and technology, the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
sites like Facebook and Twitter is growing
rapidly
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may be
Possible spelling mistake. 'sceptical' is British English.
sceptical
about its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the society, others believe it to be a boon in disguise as it empowers individuals to voice their opinion. My thinking regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is that its misuse causes the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spread
of fake news and false propaganda and
ultimately
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on our community.

With the advent of handheld smartphones and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
internet connectivity,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has gained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
fame.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of its advantages include the ability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to connect with others and share their life's experience and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
online.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
website Facebook has millions of users, which share thousands of photos, videos, posts etc. Every minute.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
individuals to raise their concerns,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
opinions and provide suggestions and reach others through the virtual platform these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
sites provides them with.
However
, this has
also
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "leaded", "led".
lead
to the misuse of these powerful tools to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spread
misinformation.

Due to
The phrase 'the widespread of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the widespread of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
websites and with its millions of followers, proper regulation cannot
be enforced
over it to avoid misconduct by the users. Due to this,
Possible agreement error. The noun news seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much fake news", "a good deal of fake news".
many fake news
and false
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
are promoted
over
Did you mean "these"?
this
sites.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
may
also
lead false propaganda and campaign against certain sections of the society causing disharmony in the community.
Moreover
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
online, they tend to participate less in the community activities as they prefer to
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
online from the comfort of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
participation causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in isolation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
community development.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media's primary disadvantage of aiding in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spread
of fake news,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and propaganda outweighs its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
traits of being a free platform for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and
be heard
by others and
strongly
state that it would
badly
hamper civilization. In my opinion, the inability to regulate these websites is the key reason for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spread
of such untrue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The government should support artists rather than allow them to support themselves. v. 26

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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