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Some young adults want dependence from parents as soon as possible while the others prefer living with their family for long time. Say which of them you prefer and why? Explain it with specific examples. v.1

Some young adults want dependence from parents as soon as possible while the others prefer living with their family for long time. Say which of them you prefer and why? Explain it with specific examples. v. 1
Independence from parents as soon as possible or living with them is a debated issue for young adults for years. While some people want independence from their parents when they grow up, others prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Though both sides have pros and cons, I am in the opinion that living with family for long years is better for several economical and social benefits. I will explain the details of my claims in the following paragraphs. Firstly, living with family for long years offers some specific economical advantages for young adults. If a young adult lives with his or her family he or she does not have to pay extra money for survival. To illustrate this, home hiring fee electricity water and heating bills are the extra costs of living by yourself. So, the teenager when he or she has to pay attention to his or her lessons has to dealing with the hardness of the life. They start to life too early. And they can have to loan for handling the harsh life conditions and this brings to young adults work more. Furthermore, some social benefits will be occur if a young adult live with his or her family. In my opinion, the young adults who live with their families have stronger relationships. Because they live longer in a pretty and calm family environment and they always interact with people at home. For instance, they sometimes have to solve their family members problems, also. So, they will have good and strong relationships when they became a real adult. Opponents of independence from parents immediately often states that this brings teenagers some psyholocigal advantages. The person who have left their family homes early are more condifident than those have lived with their family for long years. However, I disagree with these statements. In my opinion, being self-reliant is not related with left the parents it is relevant with the way of bringing up. Thus, if parents teach to their children express themselves in all conditions taking risks and dealing with hard conditions, the children will be confident. And this also be living with parents for longer years. So, I think being a confident person is related to living with parents for long times. All in all, the advantages of living with parents outweigh the advantages of living dependent. It gives a number of economical and social benefits. Living with family reduces the costs of life and make your relationships stronger. It also provides to be self confident people to live with family.
Independence from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible or
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living
with them is a debated issue for
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young
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adults
for years. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want independence from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
when they grow up, others prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
for a longer time. Though both sides have pros and cons, I am in the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
years is better for several economical and social benefits. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of my claims in the following paragraphs.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
years offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific economical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
for
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
. If a
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young
adult
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lives
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
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family
he or she does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay extra money for survival. To illustrate this, home hiring fee electricity water and heating bills are the extra costs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
by yourself.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
when he or she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
pay attention to
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his or her
lessons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
dealing with the hardness of the
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life
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
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life
too early. And they can
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have to
loan for handling the harsh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
conditions and this brings to
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
work more.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social benefits will be
Consider using the past participle "occurred"?
occur
if a
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young
adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
have stronger relationships.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they
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live
longer in a pretty and calm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
environment and
they always interact with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at home.
For instance
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
solve their
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family
members problems,
also
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they will have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and strong relationships when they became a real adult.

Opponents of independence from
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parents
immediately
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
states that this brings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
psyholocigal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
. The person who have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
homes early are more
Possible spelling mistake found.
condifident
than those have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
years.
However
, I disagree with these statements. In my opinion, being self-reliant is not related with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
it is relevant with the way of bringing up.
Thus
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
teach to their children express themselves in all conditions taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
and dealing with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
conditions, the children will be confident. And this
also
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for longer years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
being a confident person
is related
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
times.

All in all, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
outweigh the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
dependent. It gives a number of economical and social benefits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the costs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
your relationships stronger. It
also
provides to be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confident
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
57Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some young adults want dependence from parents as soon as possible while the others prefer living with their family for long time. Say which of them you prefer and why? Explain it with specific examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
428 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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