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School teaching should focus on success on the workforce and less attention should be given to academic achievement, to what extent do you agree or disagree v.4

School teaching should focus on success on the workforce and less attention should be given to academic achievement, v. 4
Teaching method to pay attention between workforce and academic achievement is debatable. Although I agree with the statement above that educational technique should take care of the development of the workforce, I believe academic success is also crucial and should be treated equally. To commence with, advocates to focus on successful workforce argue that this approach increases the self-confidence among students as they usually afraid while attending the first interview after graduation. Therefore, speaking contests should take place because students who participate in these activities are more likely to feel confident in their ability to speak in front of an audience. Moreover, it is often claimed that student gets the opportunity to know about office etiquette including answering the call and respect the authority which is important to build good character at the office premises. On the other hand, there are several positives to give equal weight to academic achievement. The most important benefit is that academic grades provide the opportunity to fresh graduates to start their career with multinational companies because these organizations would like to hire those graduates who have an excellent academic record. A further positive is that theoretical accomplishment would enable the student to obtain scholarship program across the globe consequently, bright students could get higher education free of cost. A good example of this is that Florida academic program in the United States provides a scholarship program to students who have minimum 80% marks throughout academic years. A final benefit is that students with excellent grade earn the respect of their teachers and classmates, and they always remember with good wishes to progress. Thus, teachers to give equal importance to theoretical achievement and should not be neglected. In conclusion, although workforce focus enables the student to become confident enough to perform well at the office, I presume the academic excellence is equally important as it will open the door for position holder students to join an international firm and attain the higher qualification to uplift their career.
Teaching method to pay attention between
workforce
and
academic
achievement is debatable. Although I
agree
with the statement above that educational technique should take care of the development of the
workforce
, I believe
academic
success is
also
crucial and should
be treated
equally
.

To commence with, advocates to focus on successful
workforce
argue that this approach increases the self-confidence among
students
as they
usually
afraid while attending the
first
interview after graduation.
Therefore
, speaking contests should take place
because
students
who participate in these activities are more likely to feel confident in their ability to speak in front of an audience.
Moreover
, it is
often
claimed that
student
gets
the opportunity to know about office etiquette including answering the call and respect the authority which is
important
to build
good
character at the office premises.

On the other hand
, there are several positives to give equal weight to
academic
achievement. The most
important
benefit is that
academic
grades provide the opportunity to fresh graduates to
start
their career with multinational
companies
because
these organizations would like to hire those graduates who have an excellent
academic
record. A
further
positive
is that theoretical accomplishment would enable the
student
to obtain scholarship program across the globe
consequently
, bright
students
could
get
higher education free of cost. A
good
example of this is that Florida
academic
program in the United States provides a scholarship program to
students
who have minimum 80% marks throughout
academic
years.
A
final benefit is that
students
with excellent grade earn the respect of their teachers and classmates, and they always remember with
good
wishes to progress.
Thus
, teachers to give equal importance to theoretical achievement and should not
be neglected
.

In conclusion
, although
workforce
focus enables the
student
to become confident
enough
to perform well at the office, I presume the
academic
excellence is
equally
important
as it will open the door for position holder
students
to
join
an international firm and attain the higher qualification to uplift their career.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay School teaching should focus on success on the workforce and less attention should be given to academic achievement, v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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