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Some workplaces do not ensure the safety of workers who use dangerous equipment. What can be done? Who should take responsibilities to ensure safety at workplaces? v.3

Some workplaces do not ensure the safety of workers who use dangerous equipment. What can be done? Who should take responsibilities to ensure safety at workplaces? v. 3
Most people would accept that the life of a human being is more valuable than million dollars. Unfortunately, avaricious companies don't hold the same opinion. Every day, hundreds of workers around the globe die because of unspent money to safety. In this essay, I shall examine who should be accounted for safety issues in a workplace and what measures can be taken to prevent accidents. We live in a capitalist world that is led by mercenary companies that do not care about anything other than low expenses and high profits. The only thing that might scare managerial cadre of a company would be high taxes, compensations and fines. This statement may sound harsh, but one should only look at the death rate of workers in countries that do not have deterrent sanctions for negligent employers to see the bitter truth. The mine explosion in Turkey with 300 deceased workers would be a good example to illustrate this argument. This brings us to the main actor who can bring the most disincentive measure into this problem- the government. There are a variety of potential ways of combating this problem. One preventive measure would be that to compel companies to employ at least one health and safety consultant who will directly report to the corresponding ministry about the company's internal safety applications. Another measure would be unannounced regular audits. Besides these two preventive measures, astronomical fines and to close companies that insist on compromising safety guidelines should be devised as a main, deterrent measure. My conclusion is that it is the regulations of governments that can save workers against employers. To tackle this problem, safety guidelines and disincentive penalties should be devised and carried on by governments.
Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would accept that the life of a human being is more valuable than
Use "a million" or use a number before 'million'.
million
dollars. Unfortunately, avaricious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
don't hold the same opinion. Every day, hundreds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
around the globe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of unspent money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
. In this essay, I shall examine who should
be accounted
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
issues in a workplace and what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
can
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
accidents.

We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a capitalist world that
is led
by mercenary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
that do not care about anything other than low expenses and high profits. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing that might scare managerial cadre of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
would be high taxes, compensations and fines. This statement may sound harsh,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
one should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
look at the death rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in countries that do not have deterrent sanctions for negligent employers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the bitter truth. The mine explosion in Turkey with 300 deceased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
would be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example to illustrate this argument.

This brings us to the main actor who can bring the most disincentive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measure
into this problem- the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. There are a variety of potential ways of combating this problem. One preventive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measure
would be that to compel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to employ at least one health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
consultant who will
directly
report to the corresponding ministry about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's internal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
applications. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measure
would
be unannounced
regular audits.
Besides
these two preventive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
, astronomical fines and to close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
that insist on compromising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
guidelines should
be devised
as a main, deterrent measure.

My conclusion is that it is the regulations of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
that can save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
against employers. To tackle this problem,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
guidelines and disincentive penalties should
be devised
and carried on by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some workplaces do not ensure the safety of workers who use dangerous equipment. What can be done? Who should take responsibilities to ensure safety at workplaces? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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