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Some workplaces do not ensure the safety of workers who use dangerous equipment. What can be done? Who should take responsibilities to ensure safety at workplaces? v.2

Some workplaces do not ensure the safety of workers who use dangerous equipment. What can be done? Who should take responsibilities to ensure safety at workplaces? v. 2
Nowadays, work safety is very important and receives a lot of attention in many countries. However, there are still some places where dangerous equipment is used but the workers’ safety is not guaranteed. In order to enhance the safety of people involved, we need to establish a work safety procedure and put responsibilities on every person. Firstly, a safety protocol needs to be in place with a list of all necessary measures. This will include doing a risk assessment to carefully examine and predict all the foreseeable risks and consequences a person might encounter during equipment operation. Secondly, all the workers who are expected to work with dangerous facilities need to be educated intensively on the equipment handling and operating techniques.   Education helps workers to be more aware of what they are dealing with and take necessary precautions. Lastly, supervisors should be employed to take care of the workers during working hours and alert them if any suspicious thing happens. Everybody should be liable for ensuring safety at any workplace, including business owners, managers, supervisors and workers themselves. The owners are accountable for the whole business process, including the welfare of their staff. On the other hand, the workers are the ones who actually do the work and use these hazardous facilities. Hence, they know better than anyone else on the risks they have and be cautious of them. In addition, the government and authority should be also
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and receives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
attention in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.
However
, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
equipment is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
is not guaranteed. In order to enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
involved, we need to establish a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
procedure and put responsibilities on every person.

Firstly
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
protocol needs to be in place with a list of all necessary measures. This will include doing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
assessment to
carefully
examine and predict all the foreseeable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
and consequences a person might encounter during equipment operation.
Secondly
, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
facilities need to
be educated
intensively
on the equipment handling and operating techniques.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
to be more aware of what they are dealing with and take necessary precautions.
Lastly
, supervisors should
be employed
to take care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
during working hours and alert them if any suspicious thing happens.

Everybody should be liable for ensuring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
at any workplace, including business owners, managers, supervisors and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
themselves. The owners are accountable for the whole business process, including the welfare of their staff.
On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
are the ones who actually do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these hazardous facilities.
Hence
, they know better than anyone else on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
they have and be cautious of them.
In addition
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and authority should be
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
also
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some workplaces do not ensure the safety of workers who use dangerous equipment. What can be done? Who should take responsibilities to ensure safety at workplaces? v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
238 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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