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Some working parents think that childcare centres provide the best care for children who are still too young to go to school. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their children. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. v.1

Some working parents think that childcare centres provide the best care for children who are still too young to go to school. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their children. v. 1
Although it is common for parents these days to place their children that are pre-school age into childcare centres, some people criticise this and argue that children will receive a better level of care from relatives such as grandparents. Personally, I would argue that the best choice is to send children to a childcare centre. Those that support care through grandparents cite several reasons for this. Firstly, they claim that this is the safest option due to the fact that they are family members so they can be trusted at all times to put the health and safety of the child first. Another important consideration is cost. Parents will have to pay to place their children in a childcare centre, and with the financial burdens that families face these days, using relatives to care for children would be a considerable cost saving. Despite these benefits, there are clear advantages of using professional carers. First and foremost, staff members at most centres are fully trained in early childhood education so they understand child development and will be able to nurture the child’s growing skills in the best way. Not only this, since there is a mix of instructional activities during the day such as painting, singing, and storytelling, children’s creativity and learning will be developed. Last but not least, children can benefit from the opportunity to socialize with other children, which they might not get to do with a relative caring for them at home. To conclude, I am of the opinion that the advantages of using childcare facilities to look after pre-school children clearly outweigh the benefits of using relatives. This is because the environment they are brought up in will result in children who are well-educated, creative and sociable.
Although it is common for parents these days to place their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that are
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-school
age into childcare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'criticise' is British English.
criticise
this and argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will receive a better level of care from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relatives
such as grandparents.
Personally
, I would argue that the best choice is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to a childcare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
.

Those that support care through grandparents cite several reasons for this.
Firstly
, they claim that this is the safest option due to the fact that they are family members
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
be trusted
at all times to put the health and safety of the child
first
. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
consideration
is cost
. Parents will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay to place their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in a childcare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
, and with the financial burdens that families face these days, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relatives
to care for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would be a considerable cost saving.

Despite these benefits, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
advantages of using professional carers.
First
and foremost, staff members at most
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
are
fully
trained in early childhood education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they understand child development and will be able to nurture the child’s growing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in the best way. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this, since there is a mix of instructional activities during the day such as painting, singing, and storytelling,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
creativity and learning will
be developed
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can benefit from the opportunity to socialize with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which they might not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to do with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relative
caring for them at home.

To conclude
, I am of the opinion that the advantages of using childcare facilities to look after
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
clearly
outweigh the benefits of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relatives
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the environment they
are brought
up in will result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are well-educated, creative and sociable.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some working parents think that childcare centres provide the best care for children who are still too young to go to school. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their children. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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