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Some parents think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.6

Some parents think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their kids. v. 6
The bond between an adolescent and his parents is the strongest bond in the world. Some parents believe that their children get good benefits from daycare, while other parents consider that family member like grandparents provide well nourishment and ethic to their offsprings. Considering the view of the parents who prefers to send their pupils into the kindergarten that the learning period of a minor start from very shortage. They learn the normal things in their soul during the times when they are in the childcare centres like how to eat, how to wear clothes, how to speak and some basic things. They get entertained and enjoy the company of children of their same age groups. When they learn these things daily, they become independent and lead to positive consequences as they perform better in their future. Nursery, plays an essential role in the growth of a toddler of pre-school age. Alternatively, the parents who argue that their children get a good education from their grandparents. When a teenager in the company of their grandparents, they learn moral values from stories which are narrated by them. Adding to it, stringent bond gets developed between them. Since, an infant's morality increases, which helps them to distinguish between a good and bad habits or things. After seeing the both sides, I am of an opinion that neither of the two sides is entirely incorrect, but are rather the two parts of a larger picture. Since, grandparents play a vital role in the development of a juvenile and they receive valuable traits from them as well as in the modern era, a different version of one individual is needed which would be developed from practical knowledge that a pupil enrolled from childcare centres. To conclude, daycare and parenting education have a significant role in various aspects of youngster activity. As both of them, emphasized in the development of the kids' future to lead happy and prosperous souls.
The bond between an adolescent and his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is the strongest bond in the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
believe that their children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
benefits from daycare, while other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
consider that family member like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
provide well nourishment and ethic to their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
.

Considering the view of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who prefers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their pupils into the kindergarten that the learning period of a minor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
shortage. They learn the normal things in their soul during the times when they are in the childcare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
like how to eat, how to wear clothes, how to speak and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic things. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
entertained and enjoy the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of children of their same age groups. When they learn these things daily, they become independent and lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
consequences as they perform better in their future. Nursery, plays an essential role in the growth of a toddler of
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-school
age.

Alternatively
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who argue that their children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
. When a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
, they learn moral values from stories which
are narrated
by them. Adding to it, stringent bond
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
developed between them. Since, an infant's morality increases, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to distinguish between a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits or things.

After seeing the both sides, I am of an opinion that neither of the two sides is
entirely
incorrect,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are
rather
the two parts of a larger picture. Since,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
play a vital role in the development of a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
juvenile and
they receive valuable traits from them
as well
as in the modern era, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
version of one individual
is needed
which would
be developed
from practical knowledge that a pupil enrolled from childcare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.

To conclude
, daycare and parenting education have a significant role in various aspects of youngster activity. As both of them, emphasized in the development of the kids' future to lead happy and prosperous souls.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some parents think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their kids. v. 6

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
324 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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