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Some people think that young people playing electronic and computer games is helpful, some think it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some people think that young people playing electronic and computer games is helpful, some think it is a waste of time. 1
In many countries traditional medicine is still eminent. Many believe that it is superior to modern medicine in terms of improvising the health. I completely disagree with this statement. People in the rural areas believe in simplicity. They are more comfortable with natural processes. For instance, many possess an opinion that traditional Chinese medicine has no side effects, because it utilizes the common herbs. As a result, they do not produce any harmful effects on our body. Moreover, they think it is better because they do not contain artificial ingredients. Consequently, the chances of them to cause toxicity, in our body is on a low side. Therefore, traditional medicine is considered a better choice, owing to its natural benefits. In contrast, modern medicine is preferable, because it completely cures the disease. This has led to decline in death rates. To illustrate, the robotic surgeries can now remove andiseased organ via minimally invasive approaches. Such strategy is leading to a faster healing time and ultimately, it ensures a good quality of life. Furthermore, the contents of modern medicine is known. For example, if a person takes aspirin for fever, we know what product it contains its side effects. If taken in excess, an antidote can reverse its dangerous impact. Therefore, modern medicine is a better alternative to the other forms of medicine. To conclude, traditional medicine is still practiced in most parts of the world. Many claim that it is better than modern medicine. However, I entirely disagree with this statement. In the foreseeable future, everyone will follow the modern medicine.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is
still
eminent.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe that it is superior to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
in terms of improvising the health. I completely disagree with this statement.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
in the rural areas believe in simplicity. They are more comfortable with natural processes.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
possess an opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
Chinese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
has no side effects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it utilizes the common herbs.
As a result
, they do not produce any harmful effects on our body.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not contain artificial ingredients.
Consequently
, the chances of them to cause toxicity, in our body is on a low side.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is considered
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
choice, owing to its natural benefits.

In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is preferable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it completely cures the disease. This has led to decline in death rates. To illustrate, the robotic surgeries can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
remove
Possible spelling mistake found.
andiseased
organ via
minimally
invasive approaches. Such strategy is leading to a faster healing time and
ultimately
, it ensures a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality of life.
Furthermore
, the contents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is known
.
For example
, if a person takes aspirin for fever, we know what product it contains its side effects. If taken in excess, an antidote can reverse its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
impact.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
alternative to the other forms of medicine.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is
still
practiced in most parts of the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
claim that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
.
However
, I
entirely
disagree with this statement. In the foreseeable future, everyone will follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that young people playing electronic and computer games is helpful, some think it is a waste of time. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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