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some universities hold classes monday through Friday, while others hold them from Monday through Thursday. which do you prefer and why? v.1

some universities hold classes monday through Friday, while others hold them from Monday through Thursday. which do you prefer and why? v. 1
Festivals help to maintain the religious harmony and develop a greater bond between the various sections of the society. However, there is an opinion that people are ignoring the true meaning of festival by being selfish. I completely disagree with this view. A person who is detached from the family or the native place for a very long time, will eventually forget the traditions and the customs with which the individual grew up. Moreover, when a person stays away from home it is very difficult to meet people who shares the same culture and the mindset. In such a scenario one has to celebrate the carnival alone in order to keep oneself happy. To exemplify, for the last 5 years, my friend who is in Germany, not only had to celebrate Diwali with his 2 other roommates from Canada, but also in an American restaurant. Admittedly, if people are not celebrating the festival in a usual manner, they must be having valid reasons for not doing so. But on the contrary, people who reside at their birth location or in a society where everyone believes in a common faith, celebrate the festivals by upholding all its values and rituals. Furthermore, people do not just celebrate in their home, but also temples, churches and streets where they involve themselves with various sections of the community. Funds collected during the festive season are distributed to handicap and economically backward people and thus giving them the impetus to lead a better life. For example, recently, most of the temples in our village donated money and groceries accumulated during Ganesha Chathurthy to the flood victims of the neighbouring district. Obviously, more often than not social integrity and human values are maintained during the festive season. To conclude, in my opinion, people are completely following the rich old customs and values of festivals despite the unavoidable circumstances where individuals lack other alternative, but to celebrate alone to keep themselves lively.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Festivals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to maintain the religious harmony and develop a greater bond between the various sections of the society.
However
, there is an opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are ignoring the true meaning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
by being selfish. I completely disagree with this view.

A person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is detached
from the family or the native place for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
long time, will
eventually
forget the traditions and the customs with which the individual grew up.
Moreover
, when a person stays away from home it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Did you mean "share"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
shares
the same culture and the mindset. In such a scenario one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrate
the carnival alone in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
oneself happy. To exemplify, for the last 5 years, my friend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is in Germany, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
had to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrate
Diwali with his 2 other roommates from Canada,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in an American restaurant.
Admittedly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not celebrating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
Consider replacing "in a usual manner" with the adverb for "usual"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a usual manner
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be having valid reasons for not doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
on the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
reside at their birth location or in a society where everyone believes in a common faith,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrate
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
by upholding all its values and rituals.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrate
in their home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
temples, churches and streets where they involve themselves with various sections of the community. Funds collected during the festive season
are distributed
to handicap and
economically
backward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
thus
giving them the impetus to lead a better life.
For example
, recently, most of the temples in our village donated money and groceries accumulated during Ganesha
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chathurthy
to the flood victims of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbouring' is British English.
neighbouring
district.
Obviously
, more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than not social integrity and human values
are maintained
during the festive season.

To conclude
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are completely following the rich
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
customs and values of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
despite the unavoidable circumstances where individuals lack other alternative,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrate
alone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves lively.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay some universities hold classes monday through Friday, while others hold them from Monday through Thursday. which do you prefer and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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