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Some think that teenagers should follow older people’s rules. Others thinks that it is natural for them to challenge what older people say. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some think that teenagers should follow older people’s rules. Others thinks that it is natural for them to challenge what older people say. v. 2
It is argued that youngsters should abide by the rules set by adults. While others opine that challenging the point of view of elder people is in their nature. Although, because of their experience, following the instructions of grownups is beneficial, this essay believes that opposing them is a natural process during the development phase of the brain’s cognitive ability. Some believe that adolescents must obey the rules, which are set by the experienced adults because they can help them in life. That is to say that adults have spent an enormous amount of time harnessing the skills which resulted in the creation of these boundaries, and by following them youth take advantage of them without spending time and effort. For example, a report published by the University of London stated that the children who act on their parent’s instructions of carefully spending the pocket money, turn out to become outstanding financial managers. However, I believe that opposing them is vital for the development of the young brains. Other people say have a youth’s defiance is a natural behaviour of human’s mind evolution. In order to develop their own opinions, the mind of a young person tends to experience events first hand instead of relying on other’s views. This is crucial for the advancements in the brain’s thinking ability because this provides a wider understanding to comprehend complication situations and yields in boosting the IQ of the individual. For instance, an article published in the Psychology Today mentioned that 80% of the children will resist obeying their parents at some point in time due to their brain requiring self-experience. Therefore, such behaviour is found to be a natural part of the brain’s growth. In conclusion, following the conditions set by adults has its pros such as educational benefits, this essay opines that the youth’s resistance of these instructions is a natural process in their brain’s evolution.
It
is argued
that youngsters should abide by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
set by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
others opine that challenging the point of view of elder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is in their nature. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their experience, following the instructions of grownups is beneficial, this essay believes that opposing them is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
process during the development phase of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain’s
cognitive ability.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that adolescents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
obey the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, which
are set
by the experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in life.
That is
to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
have spent an enormous amount of time harnessing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which resulted in the creation of these boundaries, and by following them youth take advantage of them without spending time and effort.
For example
, a report published by the University of London stated that the children who act on their parent’s instructions of
carefully
spending the pocket money, turn out to become outstanding financial managers.
However
, I believe that opposing them is vital for the development of the young brains.

Other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say have a youth’s defiance is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of human’s mind evolution. In order to develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinions, the mind of a young person tends to experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
first
hand
instead
of relying on other’s views. This is crucial for the advancements in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain’s
thinking ability
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this provides a wider
The verb 'understanding' is used with the gerund form: "understanding comprehending".
understanding to comprehend
complication situations and yields in boosting the IQ of the individual.
For instance
, an article published in the Psychology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
mentioned that 80% of the children will resist obeying their parents at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point in time due to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
requiring self-experience.
Therefore
, such
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is found
to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain’s
growth.

In conclusion
, following the conditions set by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
has its pros such as educational benefits, this essay opines that the youth’s resistance of these instructions is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
process in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain’s
evolution.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some think that teenagers should follow older people’s rules. Others thinks that it is natural for them to challenge what older people say. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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