Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

in recent years, the family structure has changed, as well as family roles. What are the changes occuring? Do you think these changes are positive or negative? v.5

in recent years, the family structure has changed, as well as family roles. What are the changes occuring? Do you think these changes are positive or negative? v. 5
Nowadays, people mentality change a lot and their living style has been modified. New roles have been instored since these recents years. In my opinion, people mind have became more open than in the past. In this essay, I will discuss both parts of this question and give several reasons of my point-view. First of all, the main change occured is that women have the right to work. Indeed, traditionally, the female roles are to take care of the children and their house. For our ancestor, only the men would work to feed their family, whereas, since the women revolution in the XX century, they have the opportunity to have an occupation. However, for many of them, they are still underpaid than men. For instance, according to the professor Testart, in his article for the CNRS, the amount of the female who have a job increased by 35% since 2003 in France. Therefore, the possibility to have a job is only one example of their new rights. Moreover, many people decided to have a child later than a few years ago. Today, children are considered by the new generation like the source of preoccupation and stress, instead, they prefer to have a job directly after being graduated and to travel around the world in order to discover a new culture. For example, I have decided to realise my dreams before becoming a mother by creating my own business and becoming an engineer. I believe that it is a great deal for people to have others project than thinking about the offspring and their future husband or wife. Thus, these changes help people to become open-mind because for our grandparents, the objectives of the life were to get married and then found a big family and certainly not to have a job. In conclusion, the family structure has changed since these recent year and new roles make surface. Women have the possibility to have a position and the young generation decided to report the time to give birth. I think that these some ideas of change are positives because they help people to open their eyes and accept more thing in their daily life.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
mentality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
a lot and their living style has
been modified
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
roles have been
Possible spelling mistake found.
instored
since these
Possible spelling mistake found.
recents
years. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
mind have
Use past participle here: "become".
became
more open than in the past. In this essay, I will discuss both parts of this question and give several reasons of my point-view.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "occurred", the past tense form of the verb 'occur'?
occured
is that women have the right to work.
Indeed
,
traditionally
, the female roles are to take care of the children and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. For our ancestor,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
would work to feed their family, whereas, since the women revolution in the XX century, they have the opportunity to have an occupation.
However
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them, they are
still
underpaid than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.
For instance
, according to the professor
Possible spelling mistake found.
Testart
, in his article for the CNRS, the amount of the female who have a job increased by 35% since 2003 in France.
Therefore
, the possibility to have a job is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one example of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
rights.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decided to have a child later than a few years ago.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, children
are considered
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
generation like the source of preoccupation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
instead
, they prefer to have a job
directly
after
being graduated
and to travel around the world in order to discover a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
culture.
For example
, I have decided to
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
my dreams
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
becoming a mother by creating my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business and becoming an engineer. I believe that it is a great deal for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have others project than thinking about the offspring and their future husband or wife.
Thus
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become open-mind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
for our grandparents, the objectives of the life were to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married and then found a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
family and
certainly
not to have a job.

In conclusion
, the family structure has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
since these recent year and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
roles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
surface. Women have the possibility to have a position and the young generation decided to report the time to give birth. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
are positives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to open their eyes and accept more thing in their daily life.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay in recent years, the family structure has changed, as well as family roles. What are the changes occuring? Do you think these changes are positive or negative? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
363 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts