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Some people think that teenagers should follow the example of older people. Others think that it is natural for teenagers to challenge what older people say. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that teenagers should follow the example of older people. Others think that it is natural for teenagers to challenge what older people say. v. 2
It is argued that the government should allocate money to enhance the public services rather than spending it on art. I totally agree that the national budget should be spent on developing the public services. This essay will discuss the positive sides of spending money on the public services with the help of certain arguments followed by the conclusion. To begin with, there are several reasons why governments should focus on developing the public services. Firstly, by raising the level of the services provided within the country will make it a perfect target for many global investors. As a result, this will contribute directly to the economy growth. For instance, we can see many of the developed countries are considered as the primary hub for business. Secondly, the public services will ease the life of the citizens and the residents in the country, and this will provide them with a high level of luxury and peaceful life. In addition, public services are touching major part in our life like education, and by developing this part the next generations of students are ready to enter the workforce. Due to this fact, the country will have access to full range of the local skills who can contribute to build the country. Moreover, by developing the public services, all cities in the country will be benefited, and this will make all cities equally attractive and the population will be divided among them. For example, the citizens will not move to the major cities looking for high-quality services as they can get the same in the smaller cities. In conclusion, it is clear that when the government pushing money toward the public services will develop the whole country. I believe that government invensment in public services will help the country to reach the next level of civilization putting it in a leading position between other countries.
It
is argued
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should allocate money to enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
rather
than spending it on art. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the national budget should
be spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
. This essay will discuss the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides of spending money on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of certain arguments followed by the conclusion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
.
Firstly
, by raising the level of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
provided within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it a perfect target for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
global investors.
As a result
, this will contribute
directly
to the economy growth.
For instance
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are considered
as the primary hub for business.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
the life of the citizens and the residents in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, and this will provide them with a high level of luxury and peaceful life.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
are touching major part in our life like education, and by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
this part the
next
generations of students are ready to enter the workforce. Due to this fact, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will have access to full range of the local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
who can contribute to build the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Moreover
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, all cities in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will
be benefited
, and this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
all cities
equally
attractive and the population will
be divided
among them.
For example
, the citizens will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the major cities looking for high-quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the same in the smaller cities.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
pushing money toward the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
will develop the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
Possible spelling mistake found.
invensment
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to reach the
next
level of civilization putting it in a leading position between other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that teenagers should follow the example of older people. Others think that it is natural for teenagers to challenge what older people say. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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