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In some countries, the number of shootings increases because many people have guns at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

In some countries, the number of shootings increases because many people have guns at home. v. 2
Nowadays, it has been seen that a lot of citizens have guns and lethal weapons at home for their recreational activities, safety, and hobby. I completely concur with the belief that myriad of people dies because of gunshot worldwide every day. In this essay, I shall discuss the two primary demerits of owning a gun in the household; firstly, the children are susceptible to accident and secondly, the people are more likely to shoot in domestic fights. To begin with, innumerable adolescents jeopardize their life when they get access to fatal guns at home. This is because, although, they are immature to handle such things yet inquisitive to know or to use it; in this case, they sometimes become the victim of an accident while playing and operating. For instance, in the USA, according to agencies, the rate of child death has been increased since last few years. Therefore, having guns at home is extremely risky if it has accessibility to young ones. On the other hand, people kill family member out of acute rage, anger and jealous. When people in the family argue they get carried away in the spur of the moment and often cannot handle the heated arguments, wisely, in such circumstances many a time an individual kills the other person. Honor killing is the salient example of this type of situations, where a father kills their child or wife to save his dignity. In conclusion, as aforementioned, I strongly agree with the facts that gun shooting have increased in the last decade in many countries due to its possession at home. Moreover, it is significantly evident with numerous data that having a gun at the house has several detrimental effects.
Nowadays, it has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
citizens have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
and lethal weapons at home for their recreational activities, safety, and hobby. I completely concur with the belief that myriad of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of gunshot worldwide every day. In this essay, I shall discuss the two primary demerits of owning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
in the household;
firstly
, the children are susceptible to accident and
secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more likely to shoot in domestic fights.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, innumerable adolescents jeopardize their life when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to fatal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
at home. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, although, they are immature to handle such things
yet
inquisitive to know or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it;
in this case
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
become the victim of an accident while playing and operating.
For instance
, in the USA, according to agencies, the rate of child death has
been increased
since last few years.
Therefore
, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
at home is
extremely
risky if it has accessibility to young ones.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
kill family member out of acute rage, anger and jealous. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the family argue they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
carried away in the spur of the moment and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
cannot handle the heated arguments,
wisely
, in such circumstances
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
a time an individual kills the other person. Honor killing is the salient example of this type of situations, where a father kills their child or wife to save his dignity.

In conclusion
, as aforementioned, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the facts that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
shooting have increased in the last decade in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries due to its possession at home.
Moreover
, it is
significantly
evident with numerous data that having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
has several detrimental effects.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, the number of shootings increases because many people have guns at home. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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