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Some people think women should be given equal chances to work and excel in their careers. Others believe that a woman’s role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. Which opinion do you agree? v.8

Some people think women should be given equal chances to work and excel in their careers. Others believe that a woman’s role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. Which opinion do you agree? v. 8
It is believed by many people that the women should be restricted to household chore and bringing up children; however, many opine that it is necessary to give equality to them to master in their profession. I completely concur with the thought-process that women should be provided equal rights to pursue their professional career if they want. In this essay, I shall discuss the two foremost reasons to why women deserve it: firstly, females are intelligent and creative by nature and secondly, they are citizens too and they have all the fundamental rights to take their decisions. To begin with, the women are good with multitasking and they have the innate quality to manage work life balance. This is because of their mental fortitude to deal with work and its stress; this is the reason they are sometimes better than male. The abundance of teachers, doctors (gynecologist), chefs, pilots and dietitians are the salient examples of women excellence. In addition, an ambitious and educated female can give better upbringing to her child and can provide a secure future as well. On the other hand, the society has no right to suppress women only to the home. They have full authority to pursue their career and for this they don’t need to take anyone’s permission. Why women only sacrifice her dreams for the family? This responsibility should be divided between both husband and wife. Furthermore, a woman should always be independent so that when there is a financial crisis, she would be able to support her family. In conclusion, as aforementioned, I strongly agree with the notion that the women should have equal rights to follow her dream. Moreover, it is evident with surrounding examples that every woman is no less than a man in any field.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should
be restricted
to household chore and bringing up children;
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opine that it is necessary to give equality to them to master in their profession.

I completely concur with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
-process that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should
be provided
equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
to pursue their professional career if they want. In this essay, I shall discuss the two foremost reasons to why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
deserve it:
firstly
, females are intelligent and creative by nature and
secondly
, they are citizens
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
too and
they have all the fundamental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
to take their decisions.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
multitasking and
they have the innate quality to manage
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
work life
balance. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their mental fortitude to deal with work and its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
; this is the reason they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
better than male. The abundance of teachers, doctors (gynecologist), chefs, pilots and dietitians are the salient examples of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
excellence.
In addition
, an ambitious and educated female can give better upbringing to her child and can provide a secure future
as well
.

On the other hand
, the society has no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
to suppress
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to the home. They have full authority to pursue their career and for this they don’t need to take anyone’s permission. Why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
sacrifice her dreams for the family? This responsibility should
be divided
between both husband and wife.
Furthermore
, a woman should always be independent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that when there is a financial crisis, she would be able to support her family.

In conclusion
, as aforementioned, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should have equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
to follow her dream.
Moreover
, it is evident with surrounding examples that every woman is no less than a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
in any field.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think women should be given equal chances to work and excel in their careers. Others believe that a woman’s role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. Which opinion do you agree? v. 8

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
296 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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