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Some think that children should start school as early as possible, while others believe that they should start school at the age of seven. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some think that children should start school as early as possible, while others believe that they should start school at the age of seven. v. 1
In the present world, education plays a vital role in future development of a country. Thus, some parents believe that children should start their studies from the time they are born. In contrast, others believe that a child should not be pressured by studies from the time they are born instead it is Better to follow the old education, regulation such as providing discipline from the age of seven. I agree with the fact that studies should be a "boon instead of bane ". Analysing the advantages and disadvantages of earlier schooling will prove this. Firstly, there are several reasons behind the disapproval of earlier schooling. To begin with, once a student's start pursuing his studies, pressure To complete the tasks will automatically increase. For instance, if a child begins his education from the Time of birth, as the year passes by the pressure applied by the teacher on student's will gradually increase, which may lead to depression, stress and Various other health issues and so on. Moreover, once an individual begins his academics, he will lose his freedom to think which may result in the development of emotionless h human beings. Therefore, it is better to follow the traditional educational method than modern discipline. Secondly, the government should think about improving a human, creativity instead of providing early schooling. To be more precise, just by providing early schooling won't help a person to improve his/her creative ideas. For instance, There is a man who has earned a good score in his academics and working in a company. On the other hand, there is a man who has a decent academic record and start is own company. From this example I am trying to explain that schooling is nothing but a basic idea, but a person needs creativeness to improve these ideas. To summarize, It can be clear that a development of a Country depends on its people creativity. In the end, I would like to conclude that government should take in major steps in improving an individual creative idea by identifying the field that a person is good at.
In the present world, education plays a vital role in future development of a country.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents believe that children should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
from the time they
are born
.
In contrast
, others believe that a child should not
be pressured
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
from the time they
are born
instead
it
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
is


Better to follow the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
education, regulation such as providing discipline from the age of seven. I
Consider using "agree that".
agree with the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
should be a
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
boon
instead
of bane
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Analysing' is British English.
Analysing
the advantages and disadvantages of earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
will prove this.

Firstly
, there are several reasons behind the disapproval of earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, once a student's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
pursuing his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
,
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
pressure


To complete the tasks will
automatically
increase.
For instance
, if a child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
his education from the Time of birth, as the year passes by the pressure applied by the teacher on student's will
gradually
increase, which may lead to depression,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
and


Various other health issues and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Moreover
, once an individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
his academics, he will lose his freedom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
which may result in the development of emotionless h human beings.
Therefore
, it is better to follow the traditional educational method than modern discipline.

Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about improving a human, creativity
instead
of providing early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
. To be more precise,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by providing early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
won't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a person to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his/her creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
For instance
, There is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who has earned a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
score in his academics and working in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
On the other hand
, there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who has a decent academic record and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. From this example I am trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
is nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a person needs creativeness to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.

To summarize
, It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that a development of a Country depends on its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
creativity. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, I would like
to conclude
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take in major steps in improving an individual creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
by identifying the field that a person is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some think that children should start school as early as possible, while others believe that they should start school at the age of seven. v. 1

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
350 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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