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Some think that children should start school as early as possible, while others believe that they should start school at the age of seven. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some think that children should start school as early as possible, while others believe that they should start school at the age of seven. v. 2
In the modern world, people divide into two camps there first want to send children as fast as they can while another has completely opposite desire. Thus, I cannot fully accept each position because all depends on situations and backgrounds that families have. Since, some parents work a full day and cannot spend a lot of time to child-rearing, therefore they think is the best way send children at school as fast as it possible. Moreover, some child exhibit interest in learning and in preschool them bored. For example, the world has many children that labelled today the Indigo: they grow up faster than other the same age child does. Furthermore, earlier start in school means young people will begin to work sooner that in our uncertain world more important than sits at home. However, some people have more time for children, and they want look after them independently or with some help preschool. Moreover, kindergarten enhance some qualities of children to help them faster adopting to school. For example, such establishments have schedule sleep, play or others activity that creates a habit to curriculum in future. Besides, if parents can spend more time with children they can prepare them for some part of a study such as reading or writing. Furthermore, people cannot decline a fact that school at the age of seven prolongs childhood that is important in a tendency of the heavy burden of the curriculum from the start. To sum up, I believe that all families want the best for their children and due to either statement good parent can independently choose when send a child to school and government should provide flexible enter to such buildings.
In the modern world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
divide into two camps there
first
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
as they can while another has completely opposite desire.
Thus
, I cannot
fully
accept each position
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all depends on situations and backgrounds that families have.

Since,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents work a full day and cannot spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time to child-rearing,
therefore
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
is the best way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
as
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
possible.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "children"?
child
exhibit interest in learning and in preschool them bored.
For example
, the world has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that labelled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
the Indigo: they grow up faster than other the same age child does.
Furthermore
, earlier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
means young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to work sooner that in our uncertain world more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than sits at home.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and they want look after them
independently
or with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
preschool.
Moreover
, kindergarten enhance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
qualities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them faster adopting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
For example
, such establishments have schedule sleep, play or others activity that creates a habit to curriculum
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
Besides
, if parents can spend more time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
they can prepare them for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of a study such as reading or writing.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot decline a fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at the age of seven prolongs childhood
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in a tendency of the heavy burden of the curriculum from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
.

To sum up, I believe that all families want the best for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and due to either statement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
parent can
independently
choose when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
a child to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide flexible enter to such buildings.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some think that children should start school as early as possible, while others believe that they should start school at the age of seven. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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